New vocal writer here. Go easy on me. :)
Distractions. All I want to have. I look and look to find something to occupy my mind. I can’t listen to myself a second longer. My mind is so foggy and every night an inexplicable wave or some may say rush comes over mind. I want to feel, I want to stretch it all out. But it doesn’t work. Stretching it out, clenching my fists together won’t get it to go away. Talking. That isn’t an option. I don’t know how. Every time I waste time trying to seem fine, trying to make sense of things. I say sometimes I think these thoughts but that’s a lie to you, to myself even. I guess I say ‘sometimes’ because saying all the time or every night sounds too much like depression. I have been told that depression never goes away. I’ve also been told that ‘happiness’ is a choice. Then here, I choose happiness! I’m typing it I’m thinking it. I want it. But where is it when I need it. Nowhere. It’s a once in a moon feeling, and I hate that. I dwell on them moments, clinging onto the light they bring me .But that light, it’s burning. It’s out. It’s left the frame of my comical life and comically ill self. I’m smiling. Not because I’m happy but because I put it into words. Something I doubted I would ever be capable of.