These are just the random thoughts of a 24 year old. Join me as I explore the glorious mess that I am and write about it.
Happy Birthday to Me!
For the last two years, I haven't felt like celebrating my birthday at all. When the 20th of September has come around each year, I have not taken the time to thank God for this gift called life; instead, I've pretty much cussed Him out for the burden He has placed on me... I once read this meme that was so relatable. It said, “I hate how you’re just born out of nowhere, forced to go to school and get an education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck?!”
Letter to My Friends...
How to write this without sounding immature, needy, or petty is going to be a challenge. How to write this without making you feel bad—oh gosh. If I do, I am sorry, that is not the point of this letter. I just know if I do not let people know where I am mentally I cannot get the help I need.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines comparison as "the act or process of comparing such as the representing of one thing or person as similar to or like another."
3:07 and I can't sleep. Once again, it's because I am now so aware of when I am avoiding something and my spirit does not rest until I deal with it. In this case, it's because I've been avoiding writing about this topic, but here goes nothing—no class tomorrow anyway, so I can sleep in.
It's 0038, I can't sleep, and I know why. I've avoided writing this because I like to think of myself as strong but not so long ago, I found myself at my weakest point. This topic overwhelms me and I'll be honest, I am in tears right now as I write, but here we go...
Fear of Being Alone
Recently I discovered my fear of being alone. I have been afraid to be alone in terms of romantic relationships. I think I've always known this to some degree but it became abundantly clear to me when I found myself staying in a bad relationship. Anyway that is another story, the recent discovery though is how scared I am of being alone with my thoughts and I have subconsciously always found ways to avoid long periods of just thinking and this is what I believe to have been the gateway to my debilitating depression.