eyes wide open to soak away the tears
the flame of utter irritation and fury is killing me. every time i see your face a part of me is turning into ash. the more i attempt to conceal and push aside the more my soul smells of sulfur. i radiate heat continually. nonstop. just the thought of you taking me away and shaming me. i have had all i can take. i'm done. i am an intolerant person because of you. when i look in mirror i don’t know how to react because of you. how could you do this to me. why? afraid of how to act. secretly hiding away afraid of your outburst. i am like you because of you. you only think of your needs and wants even when you say otherwise. i stopped being happy because of you. so much anger held inside of me. i am the cliche of the ticking time bomb. the indignation. my wrath is yet to be unleashed. all the hurt and suffering of all the years will remain. i can never implode. the rage will remain there for as long as i live. literally eating me and no one will ever know. I won’t let it.
Searching through the files cabinet of my mind for the memories that I need to archive. The people and places I made them with- I’m leaving them behind and I’m going far away. I don’t know if I should let go and move on or hold on and be pried off. Standing there in a pool of tears surrounded by the cracking and crumbling tiles of pain and sorrow. Cloudy tears, intermixed with depression and bittersweet joy. Do I want to leave and begin again though I know remaining would be easy? A skirmish in my mind. I have no voice in the matter. My hands still clenching my beloved amidst the tugging to forget. It is inevitable. Will I return and remember. Should I risk pulling the hangnail off my tender, pulsating thumb? Is it worth it? To them, I would give all. Already have I carved out my beating heart and given it away to my beloved; what else would I lose. Back and forth in my tormented mind, searching through those files for the cause of this misfortune. Was it written in the stars? Is it destiny to be scraped off a car windshield when life crashes O so hard? My hand and feet have been tied together. I can only hope that I’m not forgotten. Distance is only a disadvantage for the weak. I must move on for how can one live with one foot there and the other here. Life is sorrow and bittersweet. New things will come and time will go on but I will always remember; there is no power anywhere that could cause me to forget.