WizDom

Joined June 2022

0 stories

Bio

The violent sum of 41 leaves me where I stand, To four I am a father to one, I am her man.

Ups and downs and smiles and tears, this story, not yet copacetic; as I am art in progress, full of wonderful eclectic.

Stories (4/0)

Who Am I and Why Am I Not Acting Like Him?
I recently had an epiphany as I pondered my unused giftings, you know, those things we are naturally good at and the Creator enhances in us. Whom would I be if these were a part of my daily life? How would others benefit from my existence if I was a fully functioning creation? These gifts are glaringly apparent to others, but I’m afraid to try them on for whatever reason.
By WizDom2 years ago in Humans
Cabin
"The cabin in the woods had been abandoned for years, but one night, a candle burned in the window." Well, at least I thought it was a candle… It was hard to make out through the trees from my truck. Nonetheless, something in my gut said I needed to check it out. This cabin had been abandoned for years. Most people avoided this part of the mountain altogether. I pulled off to the side of the road, trying to avoid sliding into the ditch. The streets were freshly plowed as we anxiously braced for another winter storm. The last one sat on us for almost two weeks; we even had thunder snow for a few days, a rare but fascinating weather phenomenon. I paused for one more warm moment. Then I hesitantly pulled my hands away from the heater vents, zipped up my jacket, and turned off the truck. I was immediately slapped with the bitter cold when I opened my door.
By WizDom2 years ago in Horror
The Big Bang
I am sitting here thinking, trying to absorb what is most definitely the biggest betrayal of my life so far. I’m hurting, no, I’m dying inside. Agonizingly experiencing an acute level of rejection and hurt that my heart had previously deemed unfathomable. I don’t understand it; I want out. I say that, but the truth be told, it’s much more than out that I desire; it’s much deeper…somewhere inside, I want revenge. Not the kind of temporary revenge you achieve in a fistfight, but the type of revenge that is achieved only through relentless, generational oppression. I must stop here because I know these thoughts are a dangerous rabbit hole I do not want to go down. Because I know me, and worse, I know human nature...my human nature. In my 41 years, I have experienced a lot, primarily by my own hand. Most of what I have experienced in life is a byproduct of hurt and the corresponding desire to seek revenge. And I have experienced the outcome and progressive nature of this desire for revenge for 41 years. Life and experience have taught me that this is not the solution. It will only lead to more pain and destruction for me and the object of my revenge. I’ll hurt you; then you’ll hurt me, then I’ll hurt you worse, then you’ll hurt me worse…you’re familiar with the cycle; it never ends. A process I know all too well, and at least a part of me wants no part of it anymore. Then there’s the other thing, the glaringly obvious thing, this person who hurt me the worst happens to be from a very close familial relationship. One that doesn’t just go away. This detail presents me with quite a conundrum. And then there’s the whole thing about wanting to die, that’s lingering in the background. I mean fuck!!! Why keep going if this is as good as it gets? Here, in the best of life, is just another opportunity for the closest to us to betray us the worst. Why? I love my wife and my kids and don’t want them to suffer. Past that, the chemical imbalance I deal with daily, on top of the immense emotion that surrounds the circumstances we all experience, tends to make life pretty bleak. I know the outcome of continuing down this same old, blood-stained road. I don’t want that for me, for my family, for anyone. Something inside me, something minimal, wants to fight for what’s right. Wants to turn the other cheek and wants to remember that this is someone I deeply love that is young, arrogant, and wholly blinded by those things, coupled with greed and ego. A force inside is fighting to turn this hurt into something of value, not just to benefit me but anyone who wants to listen. This pain can be weilded to establish a Hurt Currency that helps others.
By WizDom2 years ago in Humans
The Unrealized Leader Within
Most of my life I have done things my way and it shows up good and bad in every facet of my life. I have learned so much. I have only regret for actions and choices that I have made that have hurt others. I consider all else a learning experience and deeply understand the consequence is merely the cost of the lesson; outcome good or bad, it’s a lesson nonetheless. I have seen life through many lenses. I’ve seen life as an addict; I have seen life in redemption from addiction. I have been homeless and broke sleeping in a train station. I have stayed in the presidential suites of the finest establishments in the country; I have had much and I have had little. I have experienced incarceration and lived as a criminal, with no regard for the law or the consequence of that level of disrespect to my community and fellow Man or Woman. I now experience life through the eyes of one who respects the law and tries to obey it; understanding that my lack of respect and care for others is a reflection of my inner feelings about me. I have experienced life through the lens of suicidal depression since I was a little boy. I have attempted to take my life on enumerated occasions when the shame of my choices and self hatred was too much to endure . I now live in freedom from that level of self hatred, choosing to forgive myself no matter how shameful the act. I have been an abuser and I have been the abused; I choose now to be a protector, cherishing what has been put in my care or sphere of influence. I have experienced life as a married man and then as a single shell of a man. Then experienced life again as a married man. I am so grateful for my wife. She not only saw past all my UGLY, but she then chose to TREAT ME AS WHO SHE KNEW I WAS, even when I was a PIG, not a husband. She showed me something of great value (The Real Me), but it cost her everything at certain points. I was a drunk, yet she called me a Good man. I was Harsh, but she treated me gently; I was selfish she was selfless. My Wife’s unyielding, unrelenting deep belief in me and her Savior, Jesus Christ, even as I tried to break her both unintentionally and sometimes purposefully, spoke louder than any words I had heard. Her choices and actions forced me to consider something...... she could be Right, but if she is right, all of me, all of this identity and persona, this fortified defense mechanism I have been assembling since childhood would instantly fall and leave me vulnerable. My next immediate thought was: What is my exposure in this state of vulnerability ? I had no idea, I had the heartbreaking realization in that moment, that by my own choice I have been surrounded all my life by people, yet totally isolated and Alone for a really long time. I assumed everyone would hurt me or I would hurt them, but I was wrong. This realization, this paradigm shifting revelation, has forced me to discover life through a lens that I could have never even fathomed before. I now see through a clear lens, a lens that allows me to see that another’s need is more important than my desires or agenda and that it’s not only okay for me to take a blow for another, but exciting to absorb all I can for them in hopes that I might be a part of their realization of this. We are not limited to who we choose to be, to protect ourselves from that first moment of severe hurt. We are not our worst lesson or moment, we are simply a part of it. When we begin assembling defensive measures we choose to stay in that moment of hurt. Unfortunately, as we encounter more pain, we try to build more defense, never realizing we are building the walls that will do EXACTLY as they are intended to do, KEEP YOU ALONE, IMPRISONED WITH YOUR PAIN — AN UNRELENTING TASKMASTER THATS SOLE PURPOSE is to keep you from your best gift..... YOU
By WizDom2 years ago in Humans

WizDom

Bio

Stories .css-19zxm0z-Text{display:inline-block;color:var(--text-default-mute);}(4/0)

Who Am I and Why Am I Not Acting Like Him?

Cabin

The Big Bang

The Unrealized Leader Within

Stories (4/0)