Vikki Conley Ikard
Bio
I am a person who believe that each one should teach one. Never leave those who come after you to learn by the 'trial by fire' method. Be who you needed when you were younger. I am from a divorced mother of one son who is now 22.
Stories (5/0)
Ego and Missed Opportunities
What drives you? What drives your soul? In this world, everyone has different things that drive them and their happiness. Some people want money, some people want ego and status, some people want love, some people want family, some want it all, and some don't know what they want. It is a question worth thinking about so your life plan comes to fruition. It is important to teach others what you have learned in this world without them necessarily having to go through the fire themselves to learn. I have seen so so many missed opportunities due to one not being able to put their pride and/or ego to the side. The Bible says that pride goeth before a fall. And it does. So many people do not know what they want. What they do know is they care about appearances and how something "looks" to others. For example, some people want to be a big fish in a small pond where everyone knows their name, and some want to be a small fish in a big pond. Me? I've never cared too much about everyone knowing my name as that alone unless you become famous doesn't pay any dividends! I am just being honest. I think a great deal of people just look around and blindly follow like sheep and end up at a destination. Nah- life only happens once and for me that is simply not enough. I tell my son all the time (as men are visual creatures and they can't help it by nature), to be smart. THINK. His forty year old self will thank me later. Maybe the skinny girl with the long hair really doesn't have anything to offer but shallow, superficial looks and material things. Looks fade and money definitely comes and goes. He acts like he is listening intently so we will see as the proof is always in the pudding! I know I get on his nerves as he is only 22 right now LOL. In this world, we all need somebody to help us at various points in our lives. My pride has been put to the test so so many times over the years while raising my son. If you cannot ask for help, making it in this world is going to be a lot harder than it has to be. And always be thankful for those with the good hearts that are left in the world. Some may look different than you but they know what darkness feels like. If the people you think that should be helping can't or just won't, you MUST find your tribe of people. I have moved several times over the years and with each move I would always think 'yeah, but I don't know anyone'. Let me tell you something- the Lord has sent me some really good people to help me along the way. Once you make it out of the storm, try not to let bitterness take over your heart (and you are going to want to treat people how they treated you which always wasn't so good). I pray every single day about that. And turn around and helps someone else out of the darkness- we are all just trying to make it through this world the best way we know how. I used to ask the question of the Lord- 'Why'? 'Why Me?' and he answered me saying that I will know soon enough. You are not always going to like your assignment and the human side wants what it wants but the Lord does know best on all things.
By Vikki Conley Ikard3 years ago in Longevity
Divorce
Divorce- when you hear the word, it does have stigma attached to it- especially for a woman. Whispers of why is she divorced? What did she do? Can she not cook? Why can't she keep a man? and so many more questions! A perfect example of this is the recent chatter in the headlines about Halle Berry and why she can't keep a man- maybe she has a bad 'box' LOL - Halle Berry is a product of an alcoholic home as well and money never fixes those issues- it can mask the issues but never fixes them. Sometimes- people that get married should have NEVER been married to begin with. Everyone has their reasons for getting married and is you ask two different people, you will more than likely get two very different answers- if they answer you honestly. One needs to ask themselves that question however- why did I REALLY get married? No one ever talks about the positive side of divorce. People need to be compatible in all areas for a marriage to work- sex, friendship, life goals, etc. Divorce, can be freeing. Change your thinking and change your life! One cannot work on themselves if they jump from relationship to relationship. People change partners to avoid changing themselves. A reality of life that people hardly talk about. In my life, my marriage provided something I never had- the feeling of belonging and family. Yes- I have a biological family but when you grow up in an alcoholic home, it really is every man for himself. Although our family was a family of 5, I felt utterly alone. And was DESPERATE to find a mate to love me. To this day, my ex-husband's family remains like family to me even though he and I never had or will have the best relationship other than being parents to our son. Life is a very interesting journey. As a woman, you have to put your emotions to the side because the love thing will leave you unfocused and BROKE. And no one likes a declined check card! Some women luck out and get it right- the career, the family, the kids, all of it. But some of us did not. I like to think of it as God blessing us all with different blessings. What fun would life be if ONE person had all the blessings in the same way? Rather boring actually! I think we should celebrate women more for individual accomplishments. You finished grad school, Yay! You purchased a home (on your own)- congrats! We also need to groom men to understand that the amount of respect given to them should not be tied to their earnings or their job title. Some men cannot be in a relationship with a woman who earns more because it threatens their ego. In 2021, they really need to ditch the antiquated thinking and their egos. Life is soooooo expensive! A lot of people are in love with the idea of being in love and the idea of the marriage ceremony- not marriage itself. Marriage is hard work. We all have to choose our hard in this world. Divorce is hard on kids, but they are smarter than we give them credit for and more resilient than we think they are. Learn who YOU are before getting married and divorce is less likely to be a part of the equation. Learn who you are before inviting any one in to your personal space as the work is easier to do that way. Too many people stay unhappy because of what things look like to others. Just know that life- is indeed a one-shot deal.
By Vikki Conley Ikard3 years ago in Humans
Parenting
Parenting- who knew it was so very hard? While it is bittersweet, the joys of raising a child, everything changes- always. Children when small are such a joy and they are a joy as they get older too- but not without some growing pains! You can do too much for your child- which I have learned the hard way! My reasoning for doing too much was his absent father, the childhood I had, the broke college roommate (always the broke college roommate), etc. All of those things were necessary for growth but did not necessarily feel the best while learning those lessons. Some people I know, they only look at the financial aspect of raising children. There's a financial component but there is WAY more to raising children. The goal is to raise self-sufficient adults who can survive without you. If you fail to do this, you are only moving the chess pieces around the board and setting them up for failure later on. Tough love they say is the best love. Although while I was struggling, I disagreed with that, now I think my tune has changed a little bit- especially with have one child as they tend to be more spoiled anyway! If you EVER want to know what your child (or anyone for that matter) is made of, tell them NO to something they want and/or introduce money into the equation. People will never learn the value of carrying their own water until they carry every drop on their own and perhaps some never learn. However, there is a point in life where this becomes a clear choice- life is all about choices. I grew up in a home with two sisters with the same shared mother and father (although they each had a child prior to the marriage) and my sisters and I are all as different as night and day- again, choices. This life requires sacrifice. The absolute hardest thing for me to grasp? And it has always been this- different people are happy with different things- and that includes your children as well. And you have to learn to understand that and let it be. No one has a blueprint to be a parent- all we have are our ideologies for what we are not going to do, or what we did NOT like in how we were raised. And no two people are going to have the same blueprint, but you try your best to make it work. Generations are VERY different too. The actual time frame may not be great BUT the differences in the world are significant and that rolls over in to parenting as well! One thing no one tells a woman in particular is that if you want kids, you are going to have to choose between your career and child rearing. I hate that this is what it comes down to but in essence, it does. I personally believe a woman can have it all but you have to hit the lotto in the other parent department in order for that to be a reality. Otherwise, it is just a pipe dream. Some people believe material things make them a better parent (things raise your children if you believe this in my opinion). And then when the kids are grown, they wonder what happened. Well- they were absent- their presence. By the way, you can be standing right in front of someone and still be absent. I experienced that growing up with my alcoholic father. A lot of patience, and a lot of prayer has helped me make it through the fire of parenting.
By Vikki Conley Ikard3 years ago in Families
Love
Love- it has so many different meanings and it is subjective to any one person you ask. Just as happiness is different to different people so is love. I have loved many times in my life. However, it has never been the same. In the end, however, love fiercely because this all ends. Even if you did not receive the love you believe you should have received as a child, please love others. Be who you needed when you were younger. Hurt people hurt other people. The only way for us to all make a better world, we need to be the change (each of us) that we wish to see in the world. Romantic love is just one type of love. Platonic and familial love are also just as valuable and just as important as romantic love- sometimes even more so. If your parents are still alive, you are blessed more than most. I know that at 47, I am incredibly blessed. Life- is indeed an interesting journey. A lot of people in this life equate sex to love. You can be intimate with someone and never be close to their heart. As a young girl, I never would have understood that concept. As an adult, it still took me a little time to understand this concept. Reasons people need to learn how to date, it's something I have never been good at. Society pressures young women from a young age- intentional or not- to find a mate. More attention needs to be given to young girls and their self-development to where they focus on their career, and strengths as an individual. Women are more than hosts for men to reproduce. I love my son dearly and believe that women can have it all BUT one has to have a super supportive partner to accomplish those goals. A lot of times you are competing with someone's else's self-esteem and ego- not even another person. A lot of people struggle with loving themselves and some never get there; they die first. Growing up in an alcoholic home, along with a codependent mother who was hopeless as well as helpless in love, it was HARD for me to learn to how to love myself and it took a lot of years. You either fight or run forever. And I could not do it with anyone else in my space. I wanted to ensure that I gave my son the best life I could that was free of generational dysfunction- to the best of my ability. We have to learn forgiveness in this lifetime. Comparison is the thief of joy and in this age of social media, it is a constant. Your journey is yours and yours alone to take in this life. Choose to spread love in this hate filled world. You will be rewarded in the end. What I have found is if you focus on helping others, you will find the love. Do things FROM love and not FOR love. There is indeed a difference. Unconditional love is a hard thing for most people. Most love with conditions. People can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves. If someone tells you something about themselves, as bad as you may see more potential in them than they do, believe them for they know themselves better than you. If you love from a genuine space without conditions, then you won. If you walked away from ANY relationship that was low vibrational, you won- collect that win. Change your thinking and change your life. It happened for me.
By Vikki Conley Ikard3 years ago in Humans
Single This Valentine's Day?
This Valentine's Day look around in your life- you are surrounded by love of some sort- if it is not romantic love, so what? You have plenty of friends, and/or family or "framily" (friends that are family) that love you. So- on this day- take time to celebrate all that you are.
By Vikki Conley Ikard3 years ago in Motivation
