Your first experience with anything dictates your feelings subconscious and otherwise. My first sexual experience was a rape. I didn’t want to be scathed in any way. So I decided I wouldn’t be. I was young, I still had time to have impactful experiences. I’d just make an effort to do a bunch of other stuff and effectively knock this one out of the ring. I was desperate to have a sexual experience that could replace the assault. I wanted a first time story I could tell in drinking games. It had to hold up while reminiscing with friends, laughing about how short it was, how uncomfortable, how I had grown frustrated with fumbled buttons and clasps and done the damn thing myself. Unfortunately life and I weren’t on exactly the same page on that front, so I would create one.