trisha raybuck

Addicted Mom

I am a mother to 5 year old boy, he is the greatest thing in the world. But I am also an addict, I’ve been an addict since well before he was born. I love him dearly but love doesn’t conquer addiction. I wish he was all I needed to stop. I’ve been a great mother most of the time and sometimes not such a great one. There have been times addiction has gotten the best of me and my mother in law was the one that helped me with my son, so my son didn’t have to seen me like that. I am greatful for the support I have around me, but I didn’t always have that support. Before I had that support I was a mess ! I would go back and forth from being clean to not being clean and back to clean again, all the while I had my son. Trying to put him and his needs first some days I could barely get out of bed from being sick, but I still got up and did the things I needed to do. The worst part was me using around him when he was a baby to a toddler. I always did what I had to make sure he had everything he needed and made sure he was taken care of. Even though I did make sure he was taken care of and had everything I still felt like a horrible mom because I couldn’t give up the drugs and even more horrible because I couldn’t give them up for him! No one understands that no matter how much you love someone especially your children, the drugs always have a tighter grip on you.