I honestly do not even know where to begin. So much has happened in such a little time this past year that I have not gotten the chance to sit with it, let alone process it. It has been full of pain, hardship, beauty, and light. Thinking I had it all together and learning that I knew absolutely nothing at all.
Before this year I had spent most of my life craving and begging for validation and acceptance from my relationships with others. My decisions based upon the reactions I wanted from those around me and my heart constantly searching for a person to come around and validate that I was worthy of attention and admiration. Each relationship I held with a death grip, afraid to lose that sense of self-worth that I had defined based upon the affirmations that they spoke. When they were drained by my constant need of reassurance and broke away from me, I was left with this sense of feeling worthless and broken. On to the next, I searched for another person to complete in me what was broken, learning nothing from the time before.
I am sure that we have all found ourselves in a place in our lives where we feel that we are unsatisfied. Maybe even feeling a little restless in our daily routines, wondering what it will take to feel content again. Some of us may have even experienced times in our lives where it’s hard to focus or even get out of bed in the morning and just following the motions of our lives.
He looks at me through the looking glass