Losing It
July 3rd
Right after my last cessation of nicotine for the day, I get into bed and look over at my snoring dog on the couch. Her dark red hair turns golden around her pulsing chest. I need to see that she’s still breathing before I lie down, even though she’s young and healthy and there’s no reason she wouldn’t be. I shut off the light and lay my head on top of my pillow, I can smell the lavender fragrance from my recently washed pillow cover. As I lay there I feel a rare, almost forgotten feeling: one of satisfaction. The loneliness and loss that usually clings to me like the smell of tobacco after smoking is nowhere to be found. Instead, I feel contentment, a feeling I’d thought I’d all but lost.