Stephen Phethean

My Epiphany

Nothing, I just came to some self realizations and some things are going to start changing and I'm going to start changing. Not who I am, but some of the things I do and I don't want you to get the wrong idea in your head when some of these changes come. They're going to be hard and I'm going to fall into some pretty dark places, and I already know that, not bad like immoral, but dark, very dark places and I know that you hate that and it bothers you but it's not giving in and I just need you to know and understand that. I'm not giving into the dark places, but willingly going because I had an epiphany today before church. I need to focus on the negative to be happy, to succeed. When I was trying to be happy your way by shutting out the negative thought process I have I ended up being lazy and overall less happy than before. I discovered that it is my dissatisfaction with every single piece of life that gives me energy. Before I was negatively channeling that energy, but I realize now that I need to channel it into a constructive and positive outlet. I need to be more negative in order to be more productive, and being more productive will make me happier because since I've tried shutting out the negativity I grew complacent and didn't feel like my life had any value. I wasn't doing anything. I need to dive into those dark places and use that overwhelming emotion to my advantage instead of letting that darkness take advantage of it. I haven't had control for the entirety of my life and it has caused me to be temporarily happy, but overall delve all of my energy into this dark thought process and produce darker thoughts. I was a slave to that machine. Now, it's time to break the freaking machine, shoot the boss in the face with my middle finger in the air, and start rebuilding and repurposing that machine to do what I want it to do.