Proud. Formidable. Fearless. Just a few of the words that come to mind when I reflect on Mrs Esther Mae or Aunt Mae as she was fondly called. She was a force to be reckoned with. A cantankerous soul, often misunderstood, but with a heart of gold.
The pop princess dropped this emotional ballad on us back in October and I was immediately enthralled. Each line hit my very core as I related with everything this song was saying. I had just recently called it quits for the umpteenth time that year with the father of my two youngest and it was the break up lament with a pick yourself up and rebuild anthem that I sorely needed. The first time I heard it, I sobbed uncontrollably then rewound it and let the words sink in. For the first time in nearly 5 years, I was forced to really look at the relationship from the outside. The damage it was doing to my already fragile mental health and the acceptance that nothing ever changes no matter what haphazard discussion or agreement I tried to enforce before inevitably giving in to his every demand at the time.
Probably THE most asked question of my life. Five years ago I was incapable of even looking after myself much less 3 whole other entities. Not only am I a mom suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, but also clinical depression, generalised anxiety and panic disorder with suicidal ideations. Well that was a mouthful and just thinking about it seems impossible.