It’s 9:30 on a Friday morning and I’m going through my usual routine. Wake up, feed Luna (my kitten), brush my teeth, complete my morning skincare routine, shower, get dressed in the most rad rocker chic ensemble, make breakfast, and leave for work. I managed to do this without flaw countless times for the last 6 months but for some god forsaken reason unbeknownst to me I can’t put my eyeliner on without my mirror vibrating. “Uuuuggghhh!!! I’m going to murder that boy!” I yell as I pound on the wall for him to turn his music down. I finish my makeup and stomp over to my neighbors house. I bang on the door, “Julius!? You better open this door!! I’ve had it up to my ears with you!” I scream. The door swings open and I stop my rant to take in the 6’4 tattooed GOD that stood before me. He looked at me up and down and I did the same to him admiring his wet blonde curls and his glistening tan skin. I shook myself back to reality and asked him to turn his music down. “Julius do you mind just letting me make it through my routine first? Love the music, truly, but please just keep it down?” He turned his music down and looked at me up and down. “Yeah. I’ll keep it down...if you do something for me in return.” A smirk appeared upon his face and there was lust in his eyes. He leaned in and pulled me close to him. He whispered in my ear, “I know you want me Lila. I know you want...it.” He says as he places my hand at the opening of his towel. “Ju-I-I need to leave” I stuttered trying to pull away. “Lila it’s the first Friday of the month. You’re off.” He says guiding my hand. I start to panic a bit and he pulls me into his chest. Gosh he smells good. I kiss his chest softly and wrap my arms around his neck. He leans in for a kiss and I happily take it. Things get a bit crazy and I somehow ended up with a broken finger. Here we are at the hospital waiting for a doctor. “Uh...I’m so sorry about you finger Lila.” Julius says. What happened you ask? Ha! Well! We got hot and heavy and he picked me up to do a cool move that involved the couch but he slipped on the wet floor and his fallen towel and I broke his fall thus breaking my pinky finger. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I mean, other than that time I was caught picking my boogers at work but that’s a whole different story. I actually kinda liked Julius but then this crazy thing happens. Ugh what the heck?! I go to say something but I’m harshly interrupted by a dying dog. “Julius?! Julius baby?! Oh god are you okay?!” Baby?! What?! I stare at him as he went pale and hugged the ginger girl. “Minnie this is my neighbor Lila she helped me with the moving and stuff.” He says with his head down. “Oh sweetheart thank goodness you were there to help my fiancé! I’m glad you both are okay!” She says hugging me. Fiancé?! But he just-! We were just about to-! Ugh! What in the fu-?! “Lila Montesella? You’re good to go hun. The doctor wants you to go to the pharmacy on your way out. Be easy sweets.” says the gum chewing nurse from the Bronx. I brush by Julius and he grabs me by the arm. “Lila can we just-?” I grab his shirt by the collar and pull him down to my face (I’m literally 5’3 but whatevs) I look him in the eyes and say “Keep. Your damn. Music. DOWN!” I walk out to the parking lot and call an Uber as I, again for some reason unbeknownst to me, cry about my neighbor. Stupid neighbors. Stupid boys.
Okay so first off, everyone should go listen to this song by a friend of mine named Famez. He’s an amazing artist and an amazing person and he’s going to do amazing things with the future ahead of him. With that being said... I would like to ask a question. Feel free to answer at your leisure. My question is..is it wrong or weird to want to love/ fall in love with someone that you know you can’t touch or be with? I ask this because I have done this twice before. I fell in love with my best friend, we’ll call him ‘Jacob’, after four years of complete internet and phone conversations. He and I had mad a pact to get married and have a kid if we didn’t find partners but life gave us lemons and we made our own types of lemonade. I realized I had actually fell for Jacob when I had let a week go by and I didn’t talk to him and it made me sick. When I did talk to him he made me feel so good inside and so happy and warm. So after beating myself up about “going for it” I told him how I felt about him. I was of course a tad bit tipsy but he couldn’t tell the difference. At first he laughed it off and was like “no way.” then I told him yeah way. I started to get upset and cry because he didn’t take me seriously so I said whatever and we argued and stopped talking completely. To this day I’ve spoken to him once. It was a brief conversation about meeting up and catching up on life. The day he came to town I moved 11 hours away. He was the first love that felt real and pleasant. Do I miss it? Heck yes! I miss it so much that I’m finding myself doing the same thing again with someone else but this time I am considering going to see him. I couldn’t see him because of COVID before but now I can travel and I’m thinking of just taking a trip to Florida and meeting up with him. Have I asked him or mentioned it to him? Ha! No. Is that a little sus? Definitely! Especially since we don’t really know each and we aren’t even in the same “reality” if you get my drift. I just want to be a friend of his so that we can share stories and cook food together while singing to each other. Why is my brain so complicated?