Sarah Williams
Stories (3/0)
My Eating Disorder
I have an eating disorder. It's weird, admitting it so publicly. It feels like admitting that I'm a failure. It feels like I'm letting the world know of yet another problem I have that I cannot control. I have a binge eating disorder. This means that when I'm stressed, or sad, or when I feel nothing, I find myself eating and eating until I'm sick. Taking bite after bite until my stomach hurts and I'm crying over how much I hate myself for what I can't stop doing, and even then, I take another bite. The shame that comes after is all-consuming.
By Sarah Williams3 years ago in Psyche
Journal Entry #1
I want to figure out things about myself. I want to know who I am, without any doubt. I want to feel comfortable as myself. I want to be able to love myself like I love the people around me. I'm not blind to their flaws, but I choose to not only except them but to find beauty in them. So, why can I embrace the character flaws and physical flaws of the people around me, but I berate myself for every little thing I didn't do perfectly? Is it how I was treated as a child? Do I just pick apart every action I make or word that I say, just because I was ignored and neglected until the age of 16? At what point will I be able to let that go and figure out how to exist without hearing the loud and callous voice of my father and the screams and cries of my mother? At what point will their existence stop causing my breath to speed up and my heart to race and my brain to feel fuzzy? They aren't able to get to me now, and I know that. I know deep inside of me that I am out and I am safe and that I am my own person that matters and exists. I made the choice to be completely done, and yet I feel like they still have this control over me. At some point, the feelings have to be on me, they aren't doing anything, but I still feel their presence with every move I make.
By Sarah Williams3 years ago in Confessions