I am a queer, adhd, autistic, creative writer. I like to write fantasy and romance fiction, but also comedic relief on real life topics I think a lot of us out there can connect over.
Preferably over coffee ;)
Sexuality, Identity, and the Analogy of the prized collectible car
I've decided to start figuring out how to take care of myself. As a mother of two young kids, I find very little time to prioritize my needs. I've skated by like this for six years. But I wouldn't say I am coping well. I have found with more frequency and consistency that my ability to self regulate is compromised. Blame that on the autism, the ptsd, or my lack of identity, but I believe I am closer than every to a mental collapse. Not sure what that would look like but I can't afford to find out.
Adventures of a late in life lesbian
Since coming out to my husband and dealing with the turbine of emotions on both our parts, we've settled into some new kind of marriage. One that says, "For now and hopefully forever" but also, "It's ok to make it look however we need it to." That has been a freeing and terrifying reframing. Freeing because there is a security we have created for one another- a sort of undying commitment that doesn't feel like bondage or obligatory loyalty. But terrifying because a door has been unlocked. Until last year, I didn't even notice the door. Now, I've been handed the keys and whatever is on the other side is calling to me.
How I told my husband I am gay
In mid 2021, pride month was approaching and, at this point, Joel and I had been talking a lot about my queerness. Mostly, the conversation went to more vague and open-ended ideas. For the most part, I was pretty content with being “queer”. Not having to put a label on what I am or what I like. And even though I appreciated not having to dust off the old label maker, I still wanted to feel seen and known for my queerness. I shared with Joel one day how a small gesture from him would feel huge to me. I wasn’t expecting much. And actually, I don’t know exactly what I was expecting. But something in me longed to have my partner say, “I see you and I love you just the way you are.” The gesture Joel made was anything but simple or intimate. He is a go big or go home-r so he bought an ally shirt, posted pansexual colored posters in our front window and made a Tik Tok about his support for his pansexual wife. All of this was a surprise. When I drove home and noticed the colors in the window, I had a mild panic attack. I kept thinking about how exposed I suddenly felt. Then I got inside and was shown the Tik Tok. I instantly went into freeze mode. Sure, I appreciative of the attempt at honoring my request. I knew I could expect some discomfort with the announcement. Some backlash from people we know who don’t approve. And even some celebrations. What I didn’t expect was the blindsided feeling that I had. Why was that the case? Joel had done what I asked for. I definitely felt “seen” just not in the way I needed to be seen. It was like all eyes were on me and my super sweet, supportive husband. He was the hero who bravely stood before my dragons and slayed every single one of them on my behalf. But something was eating at me. Pretty soon it consumed me. One night I laid awake and thought, “but what if I’m not pansexual?” And the other thought, the one that I couldn’t dig down deep enough into the dragon’s layer to rescue… “What if I’m a lesbian?”
One thing I have always struggled with is the fear of being or seeming "lazy". When I was younger and in school, that looked like taking AP classes, extracurriculars, and concurrent college classes. As an adult, it has looked like working multiple jobs, scheduling activities for the family, and piling on home projects. I constantly look outward to gauge productivity as though the standard for productivity is superior outside of myself.
My Explanation of the"Gentle Parenting" Method
There is a lot of buzz right now about a parenting method that has been around for decades(maybe even since the very first parents- who knows?) but is gaining a lot of traction and attention because of social media. It's called gentle parenting but it has a few other names it can be associated with- Conscious parenting, respectful parenting, and authoritative parenting. The basic philosophy of gentle parenting is fostering a parent - child relationship that is rooted in cooperation and proactive communication rather than making demands and rules.
Taboo Things Nobody Talks About
It's 2022. The cozy little heated blanket surrounding the earth short- circuited and started a cozy little fire. Now the earth is burning. Ice caps are melting. Weather is doing weird shirt. Yet, while the youth of the population fight a battle that isn't theirs to fight, the "oldies but goodies" gaslight them while touting capitalist propaganda and preaching, "In my day" stories. This only further diminishes the cries and protestations of their very own kin. The point? Well, it's 2022. There's nothing really new under the son. But also, everything is new. Whatever taboo thing existed behind the veil is now front and center. Things that were unacceptable, invalidated, swept under the rug, and closeted are now coming out and calling out the hatred, judgment, and misinformed postulations that have been projected as "normal", "ethical", and "right".
What it's like being a queer, autistic, adhd, mom
You read that title correctly. It's a mouthful, I know. I get major imposter syndrome anytime I occupy space in any of these arenas. It wasn't till covidgate 2020 when I, along with the rest of the world, turned to TikTok. Whether for dissociation, education, dance challenges, or humor(the best medicine for a pandemic sized sadness), TikTok had it all. That's how I realized I was ADHD. Throw off every stereotypical, meme- worthy idea you have about ADHD because it is SO much more than an issue with holding attention. That's why, when I suddenly started seeing creators talk about their ADHD, I was like, "Holy Crap! That's me!" I had simultaneously found my people(Thanks TikTok algorithm) and discovered a new, more vulnerable version if myself. And that was just the tip of the iceberg my friends.