I can remember knowing I was a lesbian because I felt it deep within even as a young child. I knew my feelings for women wasn’t what people call “ normal “ . I remember seeing this woman whom I thought was so beautiful. I wished that I could be with her. Being me, I knew I couldn’t tell anyone because I would get in trouble so I kept it to myself . Anyway I never came out of the closet lol I was outted by my mother being all up in my business. Okay boom so it’s ninth grade I was friends with this girl ( she was well known and I was too but not like her but everybody I came in contact liked me). Actually we wasn’t friends at first I’m remembering that part wrong lol. . . So I didn’t like her and her “crew “ because they acted so weird and prissy. Anyway one day we was in JROTC and somebody’s underarms smelled bad so some people wanted to do a smell check, everybody complied except for her soooo we knew it was her. Someone dared me to tell her that she need to wear deodorant and of course I did it lol ( not nice I know sorry guys ) . After that day she started wearing deodorant and I guess realized her “ crew “ wasn’t really her crew and gave me her number . No I don’t think she knew I was a lesbian shoot I didn’t even sort out my feelings yet so I wasn’t sure. Anyway we texted for months and hung out eventually along one another “ best friend “ but then something changed. I realized I liked her more than a friend like really really liked her . So I texted her and told her but was so nervous the whole time thinking like “ she won’t feel the same way “. Surprisingly, she said she felt the same way, I was so happy because it was like every feeling I’ve ever had hidden deep down inside of me made sense. But what came next I didn’t expect. . . So apparently my mom one day took my phone ( because she paid the bill ) & found out about me texting her how I felt. She wasn’t very supportive in fact she was mad. Back then now that I think about it, it seemed like the worst thing of my life but it actually was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Although there was no happy ending with us because she was caught by my mom on the bus stop skipping school with a dude from our school lol ( she broke my little heart ) I did learn that she helped me out of the closet and I learned a very valuable lesson.
Sometimes it feels like I’m trapped in between two brick walls