I remember thinking about it.... I remember wondering what it would be like to leave. I remember wondering if I would go to hell for doing this. After all, the nun said it was a sin. I remember thinking I didn't want to burn in hell. Multiple times a week, when I was in a place I didn't want to be... having to babysit my youngest siblings who were 6 that June, while I was 14. Taking them for a walk to the corner store for popsicles, while my friends were at the park; hanging out, laughing and having fun. My middle brothers able to go out, play baseball and be with their friends. I was told it was my duty as the oldest of 5 children to help with the younger ones when my father had to work 2 jobs and my mother had to work a night job. Feeling detached from the social circle, but more than that, feeling so different and freakish at almost 6 feet at 14 years old. Maybe I didn't belong there anyway. After all, I was tall, skinny, and ugly and they were pretty. They had boys paying attention to them. No one looked or talked to me like that.