Noah Husband
Bio
If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.
Achievements (1)
Stories (5/0)
- Runner-Up in If Walls Could Talk
A Wall in a HouseRunner-Up in If Walls Could Talk
If walls could talk, this one would ask you for a goddamn cigarette right about now. I’m joking, of course. Even if you could supply me with one, I’ve got no arms to light it with, no mouth to suck in the smoke with, and no lungs to be blackened by it, because in case I wasn’t clear- I’m a goddamn wall!
By Noah Husbandabout a month ago in Fiction
A Dog, a Man, and a Muffin
“Officer, I swear I’ve never met this guy in my life.” This is what my dog probably would have said had she known English, and had she not been attached to my hand by a leash. We were seated outside a Vons in Corona, California at 4:30 a.m. I was in full hiking gear, and as a policeman oscillated the beam of his flashlight from my face, to my backpack, to my dog’s face, I could tell he was confused.
By Noah Husbandabout a year ago in Petlife
Royal Dinner
Fulbert returned to consciousness in a puddle of ale. He had produced this puddle earlier by passing out mid-urination, catapulting his tankard and it’s contents all over the stone floor of the loo. He groaned a raspy groan as he recalled the circumstances which brought him here. He had been invited by the king himself to attend a dinner party in the royal castle- an unexpected, undeserved invitation. A victim of the king’s high taxation, Fulbert had been forced into peasantry, and now spent most of his days under the sorcery of ale, cursing the king loudly in the streets, wreaking of piss and rubbish and-- to be redundant-- ale. His foul stench had garnered him the nickname, ‘Fulbert the Foul’. In short, he was a notorious drunkard.
By Noah Husbandabout a year ago in Fiction
