Nathan Parko
Bio
There and back again: Stories of my life, and other essays.
Stories (2/0)
Valued customer, no offense but...
Dear Valued Customer, I'm really just interested in taking your money. That's really all I care about. You can tell that by the way I started off this letter. I can easily look up your name, or use an automated program to customize this letter with your name.... but to be blunt, I don't care to put in that much effort. No offense, but I don't care to write this letter. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that have told me this is a Necessary Update and so I must Put Something Together so that you don't take your money elsewhere. Oh I would certainly not like that, Valued Customer, because you bring me -- er, the company -- revenue. I like money. It lets me buy things. So if you could, after you finish reading this ramble of a letter, send me more money I would greatly value you more. Here is some stuff my underlings think would interest you, or that the lawyer said I needed to let you know. Don't forget we are open for business and we offer special discounts and sales often! Just saying, check out our website for more details or call the customer service line and we will be more than happy to guide you through a purchase. Thank you for being a valued customer! Sincerely, Management
By Nathan Parko3 years ago in Journal