Just a girl with a head full of dreams
My Horror Novelist Crisis
From a young age, I had a keen interest in scary stories. I devoured books like Bunnicula, The Hounds of Baskervilles, and Frankenstein. I read the entire collection of Hans Christian Andersen and The Brothers Grimm. That curiosity never left me, as I digested every Stephen King book and dived into Shirley Jacksons' unsettling creations. Recently I came to terms with what my dream is, to write horror novels.
Radiohead and Zen
When I sit down to meditate, there is one playlist I go to frequently, my personal Radiohead and Zen list. I believe in embracing the light and the dark in meditation. Allowing myself to feel all my feelings allows me also to set them free. There is something about Thom Yorke's voice that lifts me into a different realm where I can be present and mindful. I am truly in another place when the intricate beats and rhythms start in on one of their songs. I can feel my breath slow down, my body relaxing, and all of the tension that I have been holding in my body starts to release into the supernatural sound of Radiohead. The emotions I feel when listening can release me from anger and sadness and change my day's trajectory. It isn't just Thom's voice or the music itself; it's also the lyrics. In meditation, we aren't meant to hold on to any thoughts, but acknowledge them and let them pass. When it comes to Radiohead though, I like to pluck the words flowing into my ears and devour them whole, like a drug.
I am cursed with empathy. I was unaware of its grip on me throughout my early life. When I graduated grade school, I won the Christian Living Award and was called upon the stage and given a plaque. I felt so proud of myself. I wasn't the best athlete or the smartest kid, but I was the kindest. I was the kid who was always smiling and intensely aware of the feelings of those around me. I tried to control the temperature in every room I entered by assessing who was angry, sad, or anxious, and I would accordingly deliver my antidotes. I would tell the angry person that they look nice, the sad person I was there if they needed to talk, and hug the anxious person. Years of doing this caught up with me.