All the what ifs need someone to talk to, and I can't start a band because I only know bass players.
A friend of 27 years just pointed out that I tend to live covertly. She said she thinks we both do that because we are always waiting on something to backfire. She thought maybe we were afraid of creating unrealistic expectations that we can't consistently live up to. And what if, in the midst of trying to be supportive and encouraging, it isn't well received? What if we get so overwhelmed in own lives that we let someone down? Sure, maybe all that is true, but for me, there's more.
It's really all about that bass.
In my life, I have always been the strong, secure friend. I am snarky and blunt, and I might act like it's killing me, but I will take care of you better than your own family. I will know your shoe size, middle name, favorite food, and what time you need to be at work. At first, I'm told, I'm intimidating, then you work with me or see me in action, and you're intrigued. Somehow, I will manage to know what you need before you need it, and this makes me a valuable friend or coworker. It also makes me a target because people who struggle to manage their feelings, communication, and relationships look to me to stabilize them. They think I'm tough enough to take them at their worst, so that's exactly what I get. I'm like an anchor, but I'm a dysfunctional anchor with a side of toxic empathy. I need exceptionally steady people in my corner.