Today was pretty good but I'm feeling off tonight. It's about 11:30 pm. I'm painfully insecure and I have a horrible habit of comparing myself to other women, particularly on Instagram. Sometimes it's people I know in real life, sometimes it's someone I would probably never meet. I was feeling okay about myself today but then randomly started thinking about some girl I know who is a million times prettier than me and decided to scan her profile just to wish I could be her. It's a self-sabotaging thing I do, I intentionally view the profiles of these people who I feel so insecure about to figure out why I wasn't lucky enough to be that pretty or have that life or whatever it is. There is just a sense of satisfaction that I imagine comes along with being gifted with a perfect physical body, to look good in all pictures and from all angles, and to go about life feeling good about oneself. I wish I knew what that felt like. Sometimes I can agree that I'm pretty attractive, but it takes a lot of work for me to not crumble at the sight or thought of someone who is so much better than me, whoever it is that day.
Whether you're just starting out as a record collector or you already have a collection of your own, you should make sure you're taking proper care of your vinyl. Records are valuable, not only because they contain the music you love, but also because their appeal has made a comeback in recent years which gives them a certain vintage and eclectic edge compared to their more modern competitors like CDs and devices. It is very important to handle, store, and clean records properly in order to keep them in good shape for a long time.
I am quite the recluse, but I do enjoy a nice social gathering every now and then. Before quarantine, most of my socializing was with my beloved group of friends and coworkers. We all work together at a hippie store in the mall, and I have been fortunate enough to become good friends with almost every person I have worked with. This group of the four of us really is special. We make plans to do cool things and then we actually do them. I've never had friends like that before. Usually in the past, "Let's go bowling," or "We should check this place out sometime" has never become anything more than just an idea or fantasy. But with these people, the ideas actually come to life and we always have a blast together. It really warms my heart. The gang consists of myself, Allegra who is formally known as Woman, Travis who goes by Travo most times, and Josh who is also known as Josg, but that's only when he's been drinking (typos are fun sometimes). Oh, and Josh also happens to be my beautiful partner. The last time we all gathered before quarantine we went to the diner for shakes and food and then we all smoked in my car, but I didn't take any pictures that time so this will be a memoir of our previous adventures before that.
We met when I was the delicate age of 13. I loved that you liked me. After enduring a childhood of being alone most of the time, I took your companionship to mean more than it did. That's how early my desperate need for love and attention began, at least as far as I can remember. Or maybe that's just the first time I found someone to fill that void, even though I wasn't aware that that's what I needed at the time.