The Other Side of Fear
To quote Drew Barrymore in one of my favorite movies, Never Been Kissed, "To write well, you have to write what you know." Well, this is what I know. I abandoned myself a long long time ago when I was a child. I thought that was the only way to protect myself from the sexual abuse, from the fighting, from the neglect, from the ridicule, and from "being too much." Thing is, what I thought was protection was anything but. It was damaging and programming my subconscious mind to believe I wasn't worthy or good enough to be loved. I now know that those are lies and that way of thinking was teaching me self hatred. Always just going along with what others wanted so that I could be accepted. Then throwing a fit when I couldn't take it anymore. Dr. Nicole LePera said, "Emotional abandonment in childhood makes us desperate to be chosen in adulthood." Oh how I felt that. When I woke up to a world where humanity has been destroying itself from the inside out for many many years, I felt it for the rest of humanity too. Living life in the past keeps evolution and growth of our species at bay, to make human puppets more malleable. I was taught that we learn history so we don't repeat the mistakes of the past and while I believe learning history is important, it doesn't change past mistakes if we humans don't also change. We are the reason history repeats itself.