I can hear the birds chirp when I lay down by my window.
I just wish I knew why. Why out of all people you would hurt and betray me like this. I trusted you. I trusted you with my heart, body, and soul. And you hurt me in the worst way. You knew. You knew I had a stroke. And you lied to my face. Not only did you act like you didn't know, but you didn't care. You didn't care that I could, would, and should be dead right now. You were selfish. You only thought about your problems and instead of trying to work things out with someone who loved you unconditionally and with her entire being, she would do anything for you. But you humiliated her. You broke her heart in front of everyone. You made me feel so ugly. So fat. So stupid. So worthless. And I held you so high up on a pedestal. I talked about you to everyone and anyone who would listen. I stood up for you when anyone would say why am I with you. I didn't give a sh** what anyone ever said because I loved you and it didn't matter to me what anyone in the world thought of that. But not only did you never stand up for me, but you always took everyone else's side. And I still loved you. And you kept a huge secret from me. Why you chose to break my heart knowing I had a major stroke, that is the most hurtful thing anyone has ever done to me. I'd rather you cheated on me. I could forgive you more easily than for this. This makes me feel like you wanted me dead. Like you didn't care whether I was dead or alive. Like I meant NOTHING to you. And you were always my hero. I've written Poetry about how much I look up to you and love you. I've thought about you for every holiday and I'm still in debt for everything I've bought you. But see, that isn't what bothered me. It was that you never showed me you appreciated any of it. Nothing was ever good enough. Nothing I did, nothing I said, nothing. And slowly you stopped noticing me. You just saw right through me like I was some invisible being or a ghost. I just wanted to feel like you loved me. Like I was good enough for you. But no matter how much I expressed that, nothing ever changed. I know I have problems. I know I have anger issues. I know I curse too much. I know I get jealous too easily. But NOBODY'S perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. And I don't deserve this.
When I was in grade school I was asked to write a lot of essays like that. My hero. Who I look up to the most. Who inspires me. Etc. Etc. Etc. Well, I've never encountered someone that fits the title more perfectly than Jello. That's the special nickname I gave him a long time ago. Growing up, I never was known for having a lot of friends. I always had just one or two max that were special to me. And I never felt like I was special to them. It was always one sided. I've always dealt with health issues or just in general life problems. Neglect, abuse, self- harm, eating disorders, nightmares, etc. But what was to come was definitely unexpected.