Indecisive, laughing happens after coffee, finally clawing my way out of writers block enforced by grief.
Dear future me, This is going to be harsh, this is going to be blunt but you’re going to thank me for this someday. Enough is enough it’s time to take control.
I recently posted a picture on my Instagram of two of my friends and I posing with some shot glasses in my old kitchen in The Netherlands. The photo was taken a few weeks after burying my father and enduring two funerals in two different continents. As I explained in my caption, I was exhausted, most likely still in shock and probably had no idea the way my grief was going to unravel in the months to come.
I am about to throw a friend of mine a baby shower. In doing so, I have set up a Whatsapp group with her favourite people and there is no WhatsApp group complete without a cover photo. So, I scrolled through a year’s worth of shots to find a decent one of her, preferably without anyone else in the background. To my surprise, the most recent one I could find was New Year’s Eve 2019. We had all dressed up as characters from a murder mystery and my beautiful friend was in a maid’s outfit, holding a glass of martini in one hand and her skirt in the other – posing like the classy bird she is. Yes, I chose that picture as the cover photo for her baby shower.
Wednesday 4 November, Entry 454. It's another gloomy day. The humans have emerged from their caves, wherever that may be, and have burst into our confines, stomping. They always seem to push a large white boulder wide open, letting in a glare of light from beyond it. I wonder where that light leads... I wonder if I'll ever get there.
It is my humble opinion that sad songs make the world go round. There is nothing like blasting your ear drums to the song that touches your inner soul - we all have one. You know, the song you played over and over again when you broke up with your first love, or the song that speaks directly to you at your saddest. There is nothing like that feeling of being completely seen by someone else's words, when you're at your most vulnerable or low.
I wrote these words on my blog (here) four years ago; but they still ring true. I was reminded of this piece because a friend of mine is coming close to her own first anniversary milestone. We all get to a point in life when we grieve someone, when we have to face big life occasions without them. If you're there, I hope you find comfort in knowing that you're not alone - our journeys and timelines may be different, but the landmarks can be the same.
One of my favourite things to do is to run my fingers across the lines of your face. To memorise exactly where they begin and end,
My husband and I have been together for 5 years now. Like most couples, we love to indulge in good food together. In fact for our first date he cooked up salmon for dinner; it did not disappoint.