Kenley Lewis
Stories (1/0)
yellow state of being
Why are my days so grey. Every day I wake up and I try. I really try. Today is the day I will make a change. I will be optimistic. I will believe. Everything is happening for me. The day starts strong and slowly with time I shift from that beautiful warm yellow to the depressing obsolete grey. I feel defeated. I feel discouraged. I am broke. Where did my day turn grey, I begin to ponder? Will this feeling ever leave. I awakened the next morning and decided to succumb to the grey. I’m not trying today, I am just going to allow it. I’m tired of fighting this fight against myself. I sit in my bed and I wait. Time passes, tears flow, pain surfaces. I watch. I am the watcher of my own mind paralyzed in bed by the images that continue to surface. What happened to the little girl I once was. The one that believed in the world. The one that danced while magic flowed through her being. The one that was alive. As I grew older I was able to understand greater concepts. Instead of these concepts arising from within I was taught them. I was watered in an environment that was not mine. Drops of someone else's reality projected on me daily. Their belief systems instilled in me as to become the roots of my being. Dismantle. I will dismantle this plant that is not mine. I will tear the roots of fear, pain, and discouragement out of me. I will no longer be someone else’s plant but my own garden. I will flourish. I will water myself with optimism, encouragement, and self-care. This garden will be infinite. It reflects a state of abundance. Quickly I realize there is more to this grey. The foundation is becoming clear, however, there is another layer. The layer of present reality. How many external things are affecting my internal being? I wake up and I scroll. I see other people’s projections through my screen constantly. Some I know and some I do not. Am I aware enough to not allow their projections into my own mental garden? I quickly reflect and realize I was once a projector. Projecting my grey into everyone’s life unaware and unintentionally. You can only give what you are. These images we see are often someone else’s grey wrapped in a bow. What are you watering yourself with daily? The mind is everything. However, the mind can be so easily swayed. You can wake up in yellow and quickly convince yourself you are grey. Where does it begin? It may be in your root system, it may be in your present but you withhold the power to live life in any color. I chose a warm yellow. One that encompasses my body like sitting next to a fireplace in the middle of winter with snow trickling down. It can be felt by all; it is a world of its own. To live in yellow is a habit I taught myself just as easily as I was taught the grey. I sat in my solitude until yellow was my state of being. I did things that made my heart dance. I never settled to meet anyone's expectations of what they hoped I would be. I built that yellow and I listened to it. I was quiet and watched it for a long time. Waiting until it guided me to the next action. I respected it, I honored it and most importantly I trusted it. Doubt would arise but I found safety in my newly planted roots. My life would reflect the yellow state of being I vibrated in through a garden of infinite abundance.
By Kenley Lewis2 years ago in Confessions