Home is where the heart is... They say
Home is where the heart is but my heart has run away Home is where the heart is but where is home? I cannot say Home is where the heart is but my home is destroyed
I feel like I'm drowning, choking on the pressure. I see the person I want to be, I let depression be my oppressor. As I pull apart my prison bars, I become my own aggressor.
Putting the wall back up
Its funny how my whole entire life fell apart over night. I went from being happily engaged and trying for a family to desperately finding a way to end my relationship. I wanted to blame the pandemic, but it only highlighted the issues that were already there. In the end we remain friends but the hurt makes it hard.
“Did I say you could cum?” Mr. sadistic grunted from behind me. His hands moved from my hair to my hips, his fingers digging into the bone. "Do I need to remind you how to behave? Ask me for permission.” His thrusts got more vicious and the more I ignored him the more he punished me for it. I was unable to control myself, the words were lost and my mind was scrambled; I could feel the progressive anger in his grip as I chose to ignore him. All of a sudden, he pulled away of me.
“How's your weekend going”, my phone pings with another message from Mr. Sadistic. It's been a month now of talking and plans to meet that never seemed to happen, what harm could possibly come from telling him the truth? My weekend was going so shit! “i got drunk again and made some poor life decisions,” I reply to him, not thinking too much of it, trying to get the memory of poor Joe out of my head. I had fun with him but in the morning, I regretted everything, realizing I'm alone again. His sweet release only lasted a mere few hours, just like the many men that came before him. “i probably already know the answer but what did you do” at that moment I felt good getting a rise out of him, he’d blown me off twice at this point, he needed to know what he was missing out on. “i don’t remember his name”. I think he could feel the smugness through the phone, “is he still there?” his reply was so quick. I knew I was winding him up and I didn’t expect him to do anything other than feel the jealousy I wanted to inflict on him. “no hes gone” “ok, pack your stuff and get on that fucking train”