southern made. lover of laughter. spiritualist. (wannabe) traveler. wine fiend. foodie. makeup enthusiast. music head. passionate about people. cats > dogs. #blacklivesmatter • #lovewins • #thefutureisfemale ••• www.kayesthetic.com •••
i used to fear speaking out because of the isolation that would come with it, the abandonment that comes with doing the right thing. crazy, right? i was pretty much forced into abandoning that comfortable spot. it feels good.
we are all paradoxical, contradictions. to be one thing, we have to have the awareness of what it is to be the other. the things we dislike about others are within us. the things we admire about another, that we think we don't possess, are also within us. we are quick to praise, creating imaginary pedestals, putting ourselves down, forgetting that what is there is also here. we are quick to judge, to point fingers, forgetting that the exact thing we are judging and shaming is a position we, too, have once been in.
BLACK. too little of a word to truly encompass all that we are. based only on skin, only on socioeconomical-political-demographical boxes to check-check-check. based only on foods eaten, words spoken, music heard.
A Night to Remember
The warm, sweet smell perfumed the air as Whitney pulled the hot pan from the oven, her hands armored with mitts (and face gleaming with pride) as she smiled down at her mud-brown masterpiece. Already on her second glass of pinot noir, she floated over to the shiny marble kitchen island to set the tray down for cooling. She shut the oven and opened the fridge to extract opaque, gritty goodness. German chocolate cake would be nothing without its creamy coconut companion. This was the perfect ending to a relaxing evening after a murderous work week.
[inspiration] — this poem is an ode to my inner child and my total self. i have been through many transformations throughout my life, so many that i'm convinced it's to forever be a part of my journey. truly, i've learned that the only constant in life is change. i have an existential crisis almost every day of my life—not knowing why or when or who or how my existence comes into play—but this past year and its struggles have proven again that there haas to be a reason for me. i will continue to use every change, every challenge, every part of me that is refined and even discarded as the momentum i need to thrive and continue this path. i am so grateful for everything i've experienced and everyone i had to be in order to find my true self.
[inspiration] — i feel like people shy away from and cringe at the word. “love.” see, i just said it—and it either did that, or it intrigued you. like, “okay, i’m listening...”—and even that hesitancy to fully pursue comes from the after effect of maybe a time when love—even if it was a good love—left some harshness behind for whatever reason or reasons. and, in some cases, it may not have even been “love.” just a strong attachment that lasted for some time. either way, i’m always gonna wanna be like, “uh huh, keep talking” when it comes to love. because i know how great the real thing can be. i’m proof.
Peace of Me
[inspiration] — my struggle with existential angst has been lifelong—before i even knew there was a term for it, i felt it. these feelings stayed tucked for most of my life, that and the off and on suicidal feeling. i always try my best to show up kindly, to put my best foot forward, because it is in these actions that i think i can make up for the internal dread i sometimes experience. i know that my own disguise is well hidden, so it makes me wonder who else may be doing the same. i want to make things better not only for myself, but for others as well—for anybody who might've been hiding, like me.
[inspiration] — you never know how dark it is without the light; you never know how light it is without the darkness. both coexist, but the light can never be overcome by the darkness—only, that is, if you allow it. only, that is, if you are unaware that light is not the absence of darkness, but darkness the absence of light.