K.E. Diller
Bio
I won't promise you organization or consistent genres, I'm too much of a mess for that. As a writer, I seek to convey my experiences as a queer and mentally ill person while indulging my love of fantasy. Take what you like, leave the rest.
Stories (3/0)
An Ocean Metaphor
The first metaphor I ever found helpful in coping with my brain was in an Outline piece written by Anna Borges, which you can find here. In it, Borges talks about passive suicidality, explaining her experience of struggling with wanting to live. She says that she is not always that attached to being alive, and when I read those words for the first time, I cried. I felt seen, heard, known. For a few years, I’d read through it periodically, letting the wave of relief wash over me once more. Nearing the end of 2020, however, the metaphor of treading water in the middle of the ocean ceased to be accurate enough. I was and am suffering from more than major depression. This meant that I had to tweak the metaphor to fit me a bit better. And so, I made Borges’ elegant analogy into a hot, convoluted, mess.
By K.E. Diller3 years ago in Psyche
The Allure of a Label
When I was first seeking a true diagnosis, back in December of 2020, I found myself clinging to a list of possible mental illnesses that could be the source of my symptom. Much like when I realized I was not straight, I felt like I needed a label to understand and justify myself. I landed on bisexual, was desperate for a generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis, and leaned heavily on my desire to be an academic. Fast forward to a month or two ago and you’d have found me drafting this piece for the first and most certainly not last time. Then, I wanted to write about person-first and identity-first language. I wanted to air more grievances about not having identity-first language for my borderline personality disorder or my schizoaffective disorder. I’m more than an anxious person or a queer person, but I don’t have words that describe the other identities. I’ve been searching for descriptors, all the while ignoring the terms disabled and chronically ill. Enter my newest therapist, who needed only one session to pin me squarely in the label-lover category.
By K.E. Diller3 years ago in Psyche
A Spoon, Please
“What is it like for you?” I’ve been asked this, in a number of different ways. Each time, the speaker twists the words, bending them into the shape they feel is least offensive, unobtrusive. I usually provide brief answers, giving them words like exhausting, heavy, or bleak. But just for today, I’ll give you more.
By K.E. Diller3 years ago in Psyche