Joe Chlapowski
Bio
Joe Chlapowski is a comedian, writer, and musician from St. Petersburg, FL and currently based in Los Angeles. He co-hosts The Only Horror Movie Podcast with Nick and Joe and is the guitarist and vocalist of hardcore band Botched Execution
Stories (2/0)
Baked
Baked As I sat in the dingy grey office, the round, blond-haired man in his early forties who sat across the desk and introduced himself as “Glenn” began asking a series of strange questions about the past few weeks. “How have you been sleeping?” “Have these patterns of thought been occurring for very long?” “Are you on any drugs?” “Yes marijuana is a drug” “Are you SURE you haven’t been taking any OTHER drugs?” I can’t remember the specifics of the questions beyond that because I had figured out where I recognized Glenn from, and knowing who he really was I couldn’t wait to discuss the time he spent as the guitarist of Assück, the influential grindcore band formed in the late 1980’s in St. Petersburg, Florida. I recognized him from a grainy youtube footage of one of their early performances in 1991. “Glenn” disputed my claim, insisting that he’d never played in a band in his life. I suppose he had to do so because it is probably frowned upon to talk about your personal life in his profession, whatever that may be. Before I even had a chance to bring up their debut album Anticapital, I found myself hastily signing a handful of documents and questioning the intent of the two refrigerator-sized men that had entered the office and directed me to follow them.
By Joe Chlapowski2 years ago in Fiction
Bad Mona
Aaron taped another flyer to another telephone pole. It had a photo of a black Bombay cat with green eyes and a pink collar and read “Missing Cat. Very sweet and affectionate. Her name is Ramona but she doesn’t always respond to it. $200 reward for her safe return.” His phone number was attached in little tear away slips cut into the bottom. He sighed and surveyed the rest of the signs attached to this telephone pole and all the others he’d attached signs to. Missing children. More missing cats. So far there were five kids that had disappeared from his neighborhood in the past month and an unknown number of cats. It was a small, poor neighborhood on the outskirts of a small, forgotten town, and people were on edge. The local newspaper speculated that a serial killer or child predator of some kind had been stalking the area. Parents were told to keep an eye on their kids and only let them play inside after dark. They also speculated that the killer might enjoy kidnapping and torturing cats. It was a pretty common trait as serial killers go. In a place where people were already naturally suspicious of their neighbors this did not add anything good to the already unpleasant atmosphere of fear and paranoia that seemed to grip the entire town.
By Joe Chlapowski2 years ago in Horror
