Jackson Bailey
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Hold it in, Let it out: An Inner Monologue
I want you to take a deep breath. I’d ask you to close your eyes, but that rather defeats the purpose of me writing all this, doesn’t it? Fill your lungs with as much as you can. Now hold it in. As long as you can, then let it all out. Now do it again. Again. Again. How do you feel, any better? Hmm, perhaps try it again. Once more? They aren’t real, just ignore them. Relax. It’s okay. They’re starting to settle, aren’t they? The others? All those little voices swirling around in a violent storm of uncertainty and fear trapped inside that complicated head of yours. It’s terrifying, isn’t it? Don’t worry, just breathe. In. Hold. Out. In. Hold. Out. In. Hold. Shit, it burns. No, don’t think about it. Hold it in. Keep going. Nothing else helps. The pills, meditation, exercise, nothing. They’re not gone yet. Don’t cry. Don’t let them know how bad it is. Don’t diminish their faith in you. They need you. Forget about the voices. Block it out. Please. Keep breathing. Keep—oh fuck it. No, stop breathing. It won’t help, they won’t leave. Remember? People like us don’t get to breathe. We get no respite from nightmarish world we see before us. This cold world. It’s not worth it anymore. Let go, let it all go. Drift away...NO! Keep breathing. Breathe, you coward. Why are you here? Why haven’t you stopped yet? That’s right, you can’t. Keep breathing. You’re not here to fall any further. Keep breathing. It burns, damn, I can’t keep it in. You’re okay, you’re not an addict. It’s helping you. It doesn’t control you. It doesn’t control you. It doesn’t control you. It doesn’t control you. It doesn’t—wait. Be quiet...you hear that? They’re only whispers now, aren’t they? You’re almost there. Keep going. Remember why you’re here. It will be okay. Fill your lungs one more time. Hold it in.
By Jackson Bailey3 years ago in Motivation