Ingrid Xia
Bio
Hi, my name is Ingrid. I'm kind of an awkward person but I can express myself better in my writings. I hope to write about my experiences and possibly provide insight into mental health.
Stories (2/0)
Some may call it fate
In my previous story, I talked about my first time going to a psychiatric hospital. Looking back on it I have no regrets about the decisions that led me there. On my second day there, after isolating myself all day, I finally got to talk to my roommate. It was bedtime and I was silently crying and my roommate sat next to my bed and asked if I was alright. Being someone who hates to burden others with my emotions, I replied yes I am okay. She however stayed by my side and patiently waited for me to answer her. I finally told her my age and how it was my first time there. She gave me the warmest smile and told me that when she was my age she had her first visit to the hospital as well and that there was no reason for me to be ashamed. We slowly eased into a comfortable conversation where I told her a little bit about myself and how my family is from Guatemala. To my surprise, she told me her husband was half Guatemalan. I was so shocked at that fact because what are the odds of finding a roommate in a psychiatric hospital who has some ties to my background. I admitted that I was also part of the LGBT+ community and she told me she was too. I was so amazed that the universe had placed me in this position. She told me about her experiences and for the first time, I didn’t feel so alone in the world. The universe had many surprises for me during my stay. Previously I had mentioned that I didn’t tell my family about where I was so I was completely alone. I always sat by the puzzles and when visitation hours came I would watch everyone from a distance when friends and family appeared. However, one day a family invited me to play UNO with them. I was hesitant at first but I also craved interaction so I decided to play. The family was so kind to me and also spoke Spanish, it reminded me of my family back home. It had been so long since I had such a warm familiar feeling and I was so thankful to meet such great people. Due to this I slowly started to come out of my shell and talked to a few more of the patients and even attended group! Every visitation hour from that day was filled with joy. The family searched for me every time they came and sometimes brought me snacks. I’m such a pessimistic person I never once believed in humanity as much, choosing to protect myself from the monsters of the world. Although now my perception of the world has changed. My roommate and that family showed me how there can be so much kindness in the world even from a total stranger. They will always have a special place in my heart. Fate is something I didn’t believe in but at that moment it was like everything lined up for me. I may have been in the worst place emotionally and mentally but I was filled with happiness whenever I saw them during my stay. I used to have such a bad perception of psychiatric hospitals but in reality, it was one of my best experiences. There’s such a huge stigma around it due to all of the negative representation in the media but I encourage those of you who need the help to seek it. It does help and there are so many fascinating people you can meet with similar experiences that you won’t feel all alone in this great big world
By Ingrid Xia3 years ago in Longevity
My first suicide attempt
My name is Ingrid and I have depression. It's not easy living in a Hispanic household where mental health isn't really talked about. My whole life I've been hiding my feelings from my parents simply because I thought of myself as a burden. My parents work hard and I never wanted to be in the way of that. I had thought I was just being dramatic, had some silly feelings. That is until I went off to college and was far away from my family. For the first time, I was on my own. No watchful eyes anywhere, completely alone. A month into my college experience I was feeling heavily overwhelmed and that's when I had my first ever suicide attempt which landed me in the psychiatric hospital for a week. One night I decided to down some pills but panicked and called my friend. I talked to someone on the suicide hotline and was told to just eat something. I've had suicidal thoughts through most of middle school and high school, though I've never been alone to actually act on it. That is until college. Even then I didn't tell my parents until like two days into my stay. I've never felt so alone yet so understood until my stay at the hospital. It's eye-opening just how many people there are trying to get help yet are judged for it because of stereotypical portrayals on social media. When I first arrived at the hospital it was around 10 pm and I was terrified of what may lie ahead of me. I was eighteen at the time and was placed in the adult section. Since it was bedtime there were not many people out and about in the facility but what I did notice was that everyone was older than me. I had to go through the paperwork before I was taken to my room. Everything was a safety precaution, no locks on doors, no strings or laces, no phones. At first it al kind of seemed a little much for me because I live on my phone. That first night I cried myself to sleep, feeling as alone as ever in a place that frightened me. The reality was that I knew that I needed help which is why I agreed to go but that didn’t make it any easier. The next day I tried to stay in bed all day but unfortunately, the psychiatrist scolded me because I’m here to grow and get help not to hide away in my assigned room. Reluctantly I stepped out but didn’t socialize with any of the other patients. I am naturally a quiet person and being in a strange place surrounded by strangers did not help me at all. I found myself drawn to an isolated corner of the room by the puzzles. That’s where I spent most of my time for the first few days of my stay. Every day at various times of the day there were groups that people would attend. I didn’t attend but it was a time I looked forward to because everyone else went. I was alone at those times finally relaxing and letting my mind wander to the outside world. I could never fully relax when others were around, I was too self-conscious and felt as if I were being judged all the time. Ironically this was the last place I’d be judged since everyone was here for one reason or another. My mind however did not process it like that. I was the only eighteen year old there and interacting with others seemed like the worst possible scenario for me. However, as time passed I came to find out that others had some interesting stories of things in their lives and how they came to find themselves at the hospital. That’s when I realized that I was no different than any of them. Who better to understand you than the people going through something similar.
By Ingrid Xia3 years ago in Longevity
