Fear & Adoration Walk Into A Bar
A couple years ago, I had my heart broken for the first time. Shattered into a million bits. It was my first love and one of my first dances with loss and deception, with my being young then and still rather young now. Worst of all, the person who'd broken up with me knew how hurt I was, how desperate I was to have them back — and they used it against me. They kept me thinking that I still had a chance with them, that I had hope, tremendously hindering my efforts to get over them. They would make paper-thin advances just to keep me guessing. Every interaction I would come to have with them became an effort to try and figure them out, an effort to sweep them back to me — because they made me think it it would work. This gave them extreme power over me, and they were well aware of it, I've come to realize. They played me like a damned game of chess, just so they'd never get rid of the one thing I was good for in their eyes — giving them attention. It was all a power move, and it would take me months to realize.