My First Boyfriend
Love. It's a funny thing now that I think about it. It always makes you want to listen to your heart instead of your head, which is never a good idea really. Your heart is almost always going to tell you what you want, but your head will tell you what is sensible. I know that what I just said is something that every young girl will hear at some point in their life. Trust me though, I have learned from experience.
My life has never over the top normal. I guess there's no such thing as an ordinary life. Health problems have always been a big part of my life, whether they were my problems or not. For almost as long as I can remember my dad has had health problems. Then a few years after my dad's problems began, my Grandmama got cancer, and it wasn't long before she passed. About a year after she passed, my Pawpaw got cancer too. While I loved both of them, and I miss both of them very much, my PawPaw had more of influence in my life. I was always considered a PawPaw's girl. He was pretty much my go to person. He would always help me with homework, tell me stories from when he was little, or about random things that he would research. So being young and not knowing what was going to happen next, it was confusing for me. I never knew how to handle things, especially when I would see my dad going through an episode. A lot of the times my older sister would try to protect me from what was happening. My mom knew that I had to grow up at some point though. So after about a year, my mom began to let me help out, even if that just meant help out with my younger siblings. Whenever I got into high school I knew that I had to make the best of it. I know that a lot of the times that when people hear what I've been through and what I have done they think it's amazing. When I got into high school I joined the JROTC program. In the JROTC program I joined the Rifle team, got involved as much as I could, learned to fly an airplane, had my first solo, and this year I became the CO of the unit. It's crazy to think everything out of the JROTC unit happened in just four years. Even though a lot of good came out of these four years, I also had my challenges. I lost my best friend, got rejected by the rest of the friend group, accidents happened and a few of my friends passed, had my own medical issues, struggled with grades, had one of the worst breakups, and became lost. About midway through my Junior year I lost hope. I didn't know what to do and I had no idea why any of this was happening to me. After years of not having answers about my dad and my grandparents, and everything else, I became lost. I lost myself and I didn't know what to do. Soon I forced myself to get so caught up in school and JROTC that started to become more and more numb. I wasn't sure what to do until I met someone. He came into my life unexpectedly. We became best friends, he got me to go back to where I was raised. and brought out a different side of me. Now, I know that it sounds like a typical high school thing, but sometimes meeting someone can change your life for the better. There is no guarantee that anyone will stay in your life, but even if it's temporary, people can change the way that you look at life. That's what he did, he changed the way I looked at like while bringing me back to my roots. People come and go, but even if they leave, sometimes you still have to take and use what they taught you. You see, in the past four years of my life, I have learned a lot and done a lot. However, the biggest lesson that I have learned it that it's not about what happens to you in life, it's about what you do and make with it. Trust me, I know that it's a lot harder said than done. My advice to y'all is that even if you have a hard life, you make the most of it. It's all about perspective. If you look at all of the negative in your life, it's only going to bring you down. However, if you look at the positive things, even if they are really small, it will make a difference. A lot of the times it is the small things in life that matter most and keep you going. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!! If you look I know that from the outside and a brief explanation it doesn't sound like a whole lot. Not only that but I know that almost all of it is easier said than done. And I guess you never truly know what someone is going through until you actually step into their shoes. Keep your head up though. If you make the most of what you have, life will get better. It might not be immediate but it will happen. Keep going. Don't give up. Make the most. Love like crazy. Keep your head up.
Dear Mom and Dad
Since I was little I have always looked up to you. I have always hoped and dreamed of growing up, and being in a happy marriage just like y'all's one day. You've always been the ones to look out for my siblings and I. In the back of my mind though, I've also always wondered how y'all did it. I mean since we were little we were always a handful, many people can only imagine what it would be like to have four kids running around. As kid I never truly understood how much you guys dealt with. Now that I am 18 and just starting to get a glimpse of life outside of high school I'm starting to understand. Granted, a lot of it has to do with a class that I am taking this year called Money Matters. In this class the teacher teaches us about taxes, buying our first car, an apartment, getting a job, and everything that you could possibly think of to send a student into the real world. This past week I opened my first bank account, and applied for my first job. I'm not going to lie I am terrified to grow up. In the back of my head I've always said that I can't wait to get out of high school, but now the time is nearing, I'm not so sure. I'm scared to grow up. For the past two years I have felt like life is just passing me by and there is nothing that I can do about it. It's funny... how growing up you always heard older adults telling to "slow down", "life will go by faster than you think," or "you'll be old before you know it." I used to never believe, I thought that I had all the time in the world. Turns out I don't. It feels like just the other day I was a freshmen terrified to be in high school, yet counting down the days till graduation too. Honestly though, the past two years have been the fastest years of my life. I have done so much in such little time, and I know that I am extremely successful for my age. I am so grateful for that. I've gone to multiple national competitions, heck I shoot competition air rifle as a sport at my high school. You don't hear that very often these days. I've learned to fly and airplane, and had my first three solo's. I am the Commanding Officer of a unit, and I just became an ambassador for two amazing companies. I can only imagine what the future holds. I am so excited, but still scared. I am so grateful to have parents like you in my life. You two have always supported me, and what I want to do. Not only that but you've allowed me to take pretty much every amazing opportunity that I have been offered, and you've provided me with some yourselves. I cannot thank you guys enough. Even though I am scared to grow up, I know that you will always be here for me whenever I need you. Mom and dad you are an absolute blessing in life. I wouldn't be where I am without y'all. I know that there is a lot in store for the future. Y'all have raised me right, and other people can vogue for me on that one. I hope that in the next few years I make you proud. I know that you are already proud of me, but I hope that even when I move out one day, and start my life, that you are still proud. I hope that when I don't have y'all around all the time to influence me and the decisions I make that y'all still think that I am doing the right things. I hope that if you think that I straying from the right trail that you push me back on it. Thank you for everything. I may be scared, but I know that everything will be okay. Thank you for always believing in me and pushing me to be the best version of me that I can me. I love you mom and dad. Forever and always.
My First Love
Since I was little I have always looked at things from the outside, an observer. When my siblings would get in trouble I would take it as a lesson of what not to do. However, I've also always been shy, and protective over my heart, I've never given it away easily. Everyone has their first love at some point though, right? Normally that comes with your first heartbreak too unfortunately. More often than not though, people have some small "relationships" before they have their first real love. When we're young and dumb, this always ends up being the person we believe we will spend the rest of our life with. This is exactly what happened to me too. When I first met him, he was sweet, kind, and never treated me bad. He became my best friend. However, as things progressed, life happened. His home life wasn't great, he had some health problems, he developed some anger issues, and struggled with the "long distance." Before I knew it he gave me a promise ring. When I first took it, I thought OMG YES! As time went on though, I though, what happened, and I grew scared of the future. About half a year passed by and we began to grew apart. Things weren't getting better, and we were always fighting. One day I broke up with him. I was devastated but relieved because I knew that even though it hurt now but things were going to get better. A few months passed and I was still hurting, I did stupid things to try and feel better but nothing was working. So what did I do? I reached out and before I knew it we were back together. Things were slightly different but I felt happy. Come to find out it wasn't the same for him though. New Years Eve, we talked about everything, and what all we wanted to do in the next year. The next day told me something different though... we broke up. It was odd, how he changed his mind that fast, literally within a few hours. How do you go from loving someone, and wanting to spend years together, then not want anything to do with them? Later I found out, he changed his mind quicker than I thought. He went to lunch with one of his friends and heard all about how his friend loved seeing his girlfriend everyday. That was the moment he decided that he wanted to have someone else. He didn't want me anymore. It was odd, not knowing how someone could change their mind about you that fast. I still loved him. How do you not love someone that you spent nearly a year with? It's hard not to, I'll tell you that. For a while you're numb, but time goes by and you learn to be okay, and start to love yourself again. You move on, and you find someone else. First loves are the one of the hardest ones to go through. You never truly forget your first love. They're apart of who you are.