We all go through hard times in life. It might be as a child, getting bullied or picked on. Your parents might go through a major trauma to their marriage, addiction or infidelity or abuse. Divorce may suddenly and permanently alter your world. A parent, sibling or loved one may become terminally ill. Generally, I would say it’s rare that childhood trauma is actually caused by the child. It’s almost always external influence. This can easily cause a child to feel hopeless to control their environment and get to a place of physical or emotional safety.
I walked by Sunday, happy in the sunshine, showing off my new, New Jersey hair thrown up in a butterfly clip. My Louis Vuitton tote bag stuffed full of Pedialyte, Saltine crackers, Sprite and Gatorade. My 19-year-old son was home genuinely sick for the first time in his life. He needed his mama, and that made me happy, along with the sunny day and my new New Jersey messy hair style. I know it sounds a little twisted and Munchhausen Syndrome-ish, but if you knew the hell him and I went through during his teenage years of 15–17 it makes a little more codependent sense why I would be happy he was home and wanted me to take care of him.
My favorite emojis are purple hearts and upside-down happy faces. I like gangster rap and classical literature. I like to sew but I never finish any projects. You need something hemmed or a button sewn on? I’m you girl. I rearrange furniture, compulsively, even in hotels, especially hotels. I clean when I’m trying not to cry, and I have been known to organize the same drawer 3 times when I'm worried. I like using things for different things than the were supposed to be used for, yet find great peace and comfort in honoring traditions. I have been searching my whole life for simple, steady, and good. Yet my life is perpetual, complex, chaos and drastic shifts. I’ve learned to be my own simple, steady and good.
I know it’s been said a thousand times in a thousand ways. If your struggling to get out of a toxic relationship, if you are doubting yourself and questioning everything you ever understood to be true. Read on.
Raise your hand if you keep getting stuck in relationships with the same type of man? By type, I don't necessarily mean they all have brown hair. I mean the same level of man. They may look different, have different types of jobs or family dynamics. The traits that clusters these men together under the same umbrella are ones such as their emotional maturity and the number of red flags you over look time and time again. If your anything like me, I get stuck with the same level of man every FREAKIN’ time!
I still find myself turning my head at all the same type of guy that turned my head when I was 16. Why?! They look exciting? I know exactly where exciting leads, straight to hell! Climbing out of hell is really hard! I am NOT trying to go back!