I have lived an incredible life! I've travelled the world, was an English teacher, lived through multiple life threatening illnesses and accidents. I am the CEO of a non-profit, a mom of two amazing kids, a proud linewife and a Jesus lover.
The Conductor's Girls
“The Outside world was unknown to her, but she could see a glimpse of it through the window in his room. The window, what a lonesome friend, always consistent and stable with a sting of resignation. The window that showed what could be, or perhaps a memory of what used to be. The window, an illusion of an escape; and a mocking statement of her present reality. A reality that even four years ago she couldn’t imagine possible.” I lay my pen next to my journal. I had to be careful, knowing that everything I wrote would be read, re-read and if taken as a threat would be tattooed on my body. The most recent pass-down of the new National Religion.
I was captivated by winning my parents approval; ensuring I had their undivided attention. They would have a crowd over; I would fake throwing up to ensure everyone knew I was their center of attention. The word Hate does not adequately describe how I trained my sister to think of me; from ensuring that 90% of my punishment was framed on her. I so desperately wanted to know that I was enough in my parents’ eyes. I set such high expectations of myself because I inadvertently created expectations that I was sure my parents had of me; but never voiced.
“I’m a single mom of three and finally saved up enough to leave my toxic relationship and move into an apartment. I’ve been here for five months, and I just found out that I must leave everything again...can you help? How do I find housing? How do I afford new toys for my kids? How do I afford the medical help I need? Please help, I feel alone and don’t know where to turn.” This is one of the many stories I hear time and time again.