Being an 80s baby always made me feel special, it was just a good time to be born. June of 1985 to be specific. In my younger years, I remember being a happy kid. One of my favorite things, 'til this day is singing. One of my earliest memories had to be when I was five years old. My mother (Doris), would connect the microphone to the radio and she would record us singing on a cassette tape. We would sing songs from the O'Jays, Debra & Ronnie Laws, and other artists. As I got older, I would go on to sing in the choir at the church I grew up in, New Hope Baptist. It's a popular church if you grew up on the east side of Long Beach. That's where I met a few of my childhood friends... that grew to be family, sort of. I would sing as if there was nothing holding me back. As a child you don't know the social constraints, like the wrong or right way to sing. You just did it cause you were told to do so. I liked the attention, early on. I didn't know it then but singing and music would grow to be my outlet and one of the only things that would keep me sane.
It's 2017 and things are pretty much going downhill... quickly. Against my better judgment, I am at my grandmother's place because living alone is becoming a type of hell that is unbearable. (Despite a “friend” of mine telling me that moving back would be the worse thing in the world). I am also up to my nose in a depression that I can't explain to anyone. I think to myself that I can't still be grieving, when in fact, I am still grieving everything about my old life — my family, my friends, and the life I was "supposed" to have, whatever that means — anxiously thinking, I can still have that old life back, if I try really hard. I have to be MORE positive, MORE liked, be nicer, do everything right and to just stay above water by working a nice job. It's like the older I get, something in me get's more aggressive. However, on the outside, I become more timid. Go figure?