Me.
I think when I started this journey of writing I thought it was going to be easy. My mother wrote in a diary every day of my childhood, bookshelves filled with her words never to see the light of day that we were never to know about; a grandfather that was an amazing writer for the newspaper in my state of NY (Watertown daily times) and wrote fantastic stories about his gardens and grandchildren and family. His mother before him wrote for the newspaper as well I don't know too much about her writings, but she does have a scholarship in her name at the local SUNY. I come far after these generations of writers and hoped that I too would have the same manifestation of words flow from my fingertips as well. That has seem to be the problem. I don't think I've got the magic touch as they did with pen and paper, and I am quite sad that I could not bring such joy with my writing/storytelling as they did. I started my journey into bringing characters to life back in June of 2005, I was in middle school doodling on homework and random papers. Characters flew from my brain onto the paper then with my childhood mentality goofy childish jokes and potty humor became the fan favorite amongst the few peers I hung around. Graduating in 2006 and watching my peers go to college I knew I would never make it going further with my education so I turned to working. Gas stations, thrift stores, waitressing (I was bad at them all). I soon turned to the local college newspaper to finally showcase my comic and the work I was putting into it. It had a decent crowd that either liked it or hated it and that had become my first paid job for my story. Landing me seventy-eight dollars to buy a brand-new printer to continue my work. Mind you this was back in 2006, that was and still is to this day the most money I have made on this story... Life got in the way a little bit running with people that weren't going to do any good in my life and a dead-end town and failing out of college twice, yes, I tried. I ended up joining the army and leaving. I went to basic, and I wasn't the greatest soldier, but I did survive to move to the next step in this new journey and all along I kept drawing, I think not only was it a way of escaping, but it gave me a sense of purpose even the military couldn't give me. I do a lot of thinking back and I was an idiot, I think we all are when we end up going somewhere alien to what we've ever known. I quit drawing for the time I was in AIT and lost it for a long time, I was lost still not in the sense of where I was physically but where I was mentally and it is sad to think back on that. I ended up at my first duty station in Germany where I think I finally got some peace from the past, it was gone, thousands of miles behind me. I still got into my own trouble but finally broke down and tried to save myself through my drawings and stories. People enjoyed them, I'd draw them on my laundry basket and people that were stuck doing laundry would read a comic or two and get a kick out of it. I was pretty happy to give people a laugh and finding out it was enjoyable. My future husband and father of my children found me through my artwork, and I think that has been the greatest achievement of the story so far. I traveled met so many people and even had a baby while in Germany I ended my military journey there and went back home with a one-year-old after my grandfather had passed the year prior. It gave my grandmother a sense of purpose having a baby back in the house so I'd like to think we both helped each other more than we would like to admit. Grandma always said that Grandpa had to leave so my daughter could come, I hated hearing it because he was my hero but in a weird way, I think she was right. My parents were divorced and were not too much help but liked to be grandparents, we left a little bit after my fathers' mother died and that was another nail in the coffin of not coming back to family. So much hate and negativity is what I had lived through as a child I wanted more for myself and my daughter. I tried publishing my book back in 2014 only sold a few but that was my biggest royalty check to date. $7.92 I wish I could laugh at it but it makes me realize that I am a failure at getting self-published. My daughter and I soon moved in with her father when he got to a new duty station in Texas, we had our second child there the soon moved to Kansas where we had our son. Tolls of field time and rotations have left these kids without a father when they were very small and me pretty much a single mother. (Yes, we knew this was going to happen due to the military). From there we moved to Virginia and I worked tirelessly on college for the third time (third time is always the charm) then covid hit, my husband then got hurt and needed tons of surgery on his spine, we weren't allowed to see him and once he was home his depression got bad it was hard, to say the least with three little kids two which were still in diapers and a husband that was bedridden for three months there was a hold we threw ourselves into that we couldn't get out. Amazingly we survived and our children flourished, and we made sure to do everything right for them no matter the difficulties we faced as husband and wife. Soon after that ordeal, we managed to get a new duty station across the country all the way in Washington State. I finished my degree, and my husband is coming to the end of his first sergeant position, and we are now getting to the light at the end of the tunnel of his career. Through this time, he had helped me get another book published, by Stratton Press whom ultimately wrote me off because I wouldn't pay tons of money for a marketing plan that they thought was necessary even after paying hundreds of dollars to get the book published. I was banished from that website and company altogether and getting a copy of my book that was finally published it was a mess, to say the least. We were contacted by another company that took us for a few thousand after offering us royalties and huge named publishing companies, they went under and screwed me by leading me on with fairytale stories of actually getting this book in physical bookstores getting any sort of footing in the door to the book world. I wish I could cry over it all the false promises and false hopes and fantasies of making my story my career. It's my entire life and it's just been a nightmare to even try to fix the mistakes of the book that was published to make it something special that people would love to read. I'd love to get this story out finish it and move on with my life.... Next year I will have been writing this story for 20 years and I have nothing to show for it. Maybe 9 books sold and $15 in royalties in ten year... It would drive anyone to stop and want to bury it in the backyard and never think of it again. I don't know why I've tried so hard just to keep getting screwed, swindled, and cheated by all these self-publishing book companies. I've stopped taking calls and emails, I keep my phone off because every call I get I know they are gonna promise me the world and rip out my heart in the process. These people have never even looked at it or read it and hell, I must be a good target. I just... just one time and not get screwed so badly that I lose 20 years of my life for nothing. I can't keep failing. I need a light at the end of my tunnel too... is that too much to ask...