Every time I try to write about him, I seem to have no words. No descriptive paragraphs, no elaborate phrasing, just a wish that he was here again. I have tried so hard not to feel pain when I think of him, not to be hurt that he’s gone, but it seems impossible. Since he had to go a piece of me has been missing and I hope that he’s holding it in his heart, because that is where he will always be, in my heart, my soul, and my whole being. He made me feel things I had never felt before, he made me believe in myself like no one else could, he made me have hope when I felt there was no point. He accepted me through and through, even with all of my faults, he loved and protected me even though I gave him reasons not to. He has always amazed me with his self-less attitude, even with everything he was going through, he made everyone else a priority. He gave everyone around him hope, he was an inspiration, and I was so lucky to have him in my life, even if it was only for a short period of time. He made a mark on me like no else, he made me believe in humanity again, he made me feel like I could change the world. He was my best friend, the only one who could truly understand me, the one who knew me inside and out, the one that made me see the better in people. He was by far the greatest friend I've ever had and in everything I do, I will always think of him.
One thing I have realized over the last couple years is that I let my happiness slip away. I can't tell you exactly how or when I lost it because it went away piece by piece, without even having any conscious awareness that it had happened. I faded into the darkness of my own mind and it was scary in there. I have suffered from depression for about 9 years now, trying to scratch and claw my way out of the dark hole that was dug for me. So anyways, back to happiness; how do you define happiness? Happiness isn't something you can measure; it's something you feel. Materialistic things aren't going to give you happiness, they will give you temporary excitement and contentment, but not happiness.