Courtney Reilly

The Road

Growing up, I was always one to follow rules. I was taught that if I were to go against what an adult or "superior" told me, I was in the wrong. I morphed into this person that I thought others wanted to see. I have infinite love for my family, as I am so close to them. Which is why I thought what they said was true. I thought that by choosing my actions carefully based on another person's perception of me was critical to succeeding. While doing this I would also never open up and express my true thoughts and feelings. Just the idea of not conforming to what my parents, school, managers, boyfriends, or friends "expected" of me caused anxiety and panic. This person that I was never found healthy relationships of any kind because I was never truly me. I was afraid to show my true face for rejection from the world. I was afraid to tell others how I felt because I feared I would hurt them.