I’m starting to really wonder if I am capable of being loved, or thought of as someone who is more than someone to take advantage of. My faith in people, or should I say, people who say they love me is beyond being tested. I am not really sure how the hell I feel about anyone anymore. Defeated is the correct word for my feelings and my spirit at this point.
What have I gotten myself into? I am totally in love with someone who I know I will never have a serious relationship with. When I met him three years ago our relationship consisted of just occasional sex, that's it. He is someone who I would have stayed away from in my younger days. He has about ten children and the baby mamas to go with them. Who wants that headache full time? Not me, so I thought! These three years have consisted of me mostly being upset with him because of his lack of keeping commitments. He never seemed to come through when he said he would with things like dates and hooking up for some late night action. Despite me being upset with him and breaking it off a dozen times I managed to fall for him. I think the mystery of him intrigued me. He really didn't say much about his personal life, in fact what I did know about him I learned through my own detective work.