Today was the first day in over a week I got up and actually got stuck in on some housework. I'd overslept. Again. Not so much tired, as unwilling to face the world just yet. A feeling compounded by my little pickle having snuck in during night, her tiny arms wrapped around my neck and tiny face muzzled in my chest made the prospect of getting up that much less appealing. Add to that fact, I knew exactly what was waiting for me when I threw off that duvet. Pots and pans left to "soak" for a week, laundry piles so high it was questionable if I even have clean pants in the drawer, and a general swirl of clutter, both as a result of, and a reminder that I have been feeling less than great lately. I haven't been feeling on top of the world for a few months in fact, but this last week or so has seen a clear and undeniable decline in my wellness. It always starts the same; a general feeling of tiredness or fatigue. That in itself leads to a development in procrastination. As the to do list grows, so does my sense of avoidance. The avoidance allows the piles of washing up and laundry to grow, only driving my feelings of failure and hopelessness to a more resolute position in my mind. The feeling of hopelessness whirling around in my head, draining me of my energy, creates more of the same fatigue that brought me here.
So I've been suffering from a severe headache for the best part of a week now. I've been short and irritable with the people around me, and generally brought the mood in the house down several notches. According to quite a few web searches one of the main causes may be my hydration levels. I'm not what you'd call a water drinker. Even in the height of summer, I am guilty of reaching for a Diet Coke or iced coffee. I've never really given much consideration to how this is effecting me. Whether those preconditioned to reach for the Evian are receiving noticable benefits from this habit, I'll admit it shouldn't take a six day migraine to make me consider improving my water intake. There's numerous articles in fashion and lifestyle magazines professing it will give you clear skin and sparkly eyes but what about other effects?
See the thing is, looking back now, I can clearly see that I have struggled a lot over the years. During my teens I was an unstoppable force of confused and exponentially destructive emotions. My early twenties; a constant sense of failure and social displacement. The lead up and aftermath of the birth of my daughter; a suffocating flood of anxiety and self doubt.