It was the summer before first grade, in a deserted, hot parking lot. That parking lot just so happened to be my school’s, River Springs Elementary. I had just learned to ride a bike without training wheels the day before and I was actually pretty good at it for learning the day before.
When I was little, I always had a book in my hands, little ten page kid books, that ginormous leapfrog e-reader every kid had, even some of my parents books trying to make sense of it. Naturally, I was an avid reader. As I got older my books got bigger, not drastic size changes, but still it seemed like a big leap for a Kindergartener. By first grade I had worked my way up to reading Harry Potter with help from my mom, but by the time Order of the Phoenix rolled around, I was done reading. That is because by second grade, my dyslexia had manifested into everyday life. Words began to swim around the pages, letters never seemed to stay in the right order, lines were non-existent, even numbers would roam and flip around. The only solid word I could make out was “I” and that is only because “I” is a one letter word. Soon enough, you could not find me anywhere near a book.
I believe that you can be both happy and sad at the same time. I believe that you are capable of experiencing two emotions at once, even if they are polar opposites. I believe that you can experience two emotions while only recognizing one. Happiness and sadness do not necessarily coincide with each other. They can both live but never meet. On the flip side, happiness and sadness constantly walk hand in hand. They can reside beside each other in the same room. There are some nights you feel alone and all the sadness and remorse in your life fills you up. It expands into every crevice, every nook, and cranny, every inch of your body. Something happens though, maybe little, maybe big. It shines a patch of light and for while you still see the sadness, but you experience the happiness and soak up every last drop. And in that moment, it’s the best you ever felt. You feel like you are in two places at once. You feel like you are at opposite ends of the solar system. You feel stretched beyond capacity, beyond your breaking point. It builds up this high and you cannot get enough. When there is hardly any happiness left it clashes against the sadness and creates this sonic boom and a wall of insanity runs through your body and it's over. You lie on your bed numb and basically emotionless and you can’t get a clear thought through your mind. The music that once played ever so softly pounds in your ear and your blood pulses through your body at the same beat. During this time, you couldn’t be bothered. You just sit in peace before the sadness comes back and it all repeats again.
The music played but it seemed as if it