It was 1984 and he was the sweetest guy and would dress like, "Billy Idol". So he was quite impressive and I did feel nervous and amazed when I saw him. So many women wanted him and yet he was so attentive to me. He really was so good looking and even wore eye makeup because it was the 80;s and men wore eyeliner! He was so cool and I would just swoon over him. I was hitting the clubs and would often go dancing and have fun with my friends.. His name was "Billy" and he was so fine and handsome and he would often make me feel beautiful. Feeling beautiful was not normal for me because I was so skinny and insecure. Many Spanish people don't think that being thin and skinny is too sexy and I was battling between two worlds. The Spanish culture and the American culture which is something many Spanish women must endure. Two concepts of contrasting beauty made me suffer so much since I was considered "not beautiful" in the Spanish culture and yet I was beautiful in the American culture. I was as thin as "Pat Benatar" and my hair was short like hers. Most Spanish women had long hair but I had to cut mine due to a bad haircut and had to start over with short hair.
When you are tired and feel the need to rest with the hope of falling asleep. Well you should know that there is actually a science to falling asleep. It's actually amazing that sleep is so important that there is a branch of study dedicated to it. It is that important to the human mind to get a good nights sleep for proper functioning in all levels of life. We all have had sleepless nights and some of us have suffered insomnia and have felt so weak and exhausted all day long without that proper sleep. We can all empathize with one another on that note. Personally, I once had severe insomnia and had to go on sleeping pills for a while and I just could not function.
In the beginning of time, one can say that experiences with what are now called, " chemical substances" are known to many merely as "getting high." This understanding is that for the mos part, one starts out using drugs at a young age solely for fun and escape. They feel overwhelmed with their problems and studies and feel that the drugs will help them cope. It's all a lie and the poor victims fall faster than lightening in a society full of hopeless people. Hope is why they choose their drugs, they have given up on it and fall hopeless victims to it. People think they enjoy their consumption of drugs, it goes without saying. However it does become common knowledge for all users that after an extended period of time, the "fun time" or enjoyment is over. Many ponder over what it is exactly that happened. Why did the fun end so quickly? What turned out to be a great experience can lead to a destructive relationships and even death. The reality cannot be ignored because it is so vast that it changes everyone's life for the worse.
I was 48 years old when I suddenly heard a voice tell me, "You're an angel" I answered back, " Me?" What do you mean? The voice told me you are and I did not understand what was happening and I thought I was going crazy but I just accepted the event and didn't think twice about it. I went on my way and went to work like I normally did. I was a secretary working at a busy NYC cancer center and often watched patients get their chemotherapy which was very difficult to watch. I often watched as patients were literally dying from cancer and I did my best to be positive around them. My own father and husband were patients at that cancer center where I worked and I often felt sad seeing them on that chemotherapy chair. Then one night, I had a dream that I was inside a pet scan machine and I woke up horrified. I said, "OMG, please don't let that come true!" I realized it was just a nightmare and I stayed in bed looking up at the ceiling in shock. I just laid in bed and thought about what this dream meant to be. Was it going to really happen? Was this possibly a premonition? I couldn't tell because it was so early at this point. I knew I had to wait for time to pass and the thought of that made me so apprehensive. I had seen so many patients be sick from cancer and I prayed in silence asking God to protect me. I truly felt fear for the first time in my life and I felt my own immortality and again, I felt this dreadful feeling take over me, it was surreal.