The Clownmaid's Tale
Crustbuk the Clown slammed his tumbler of Scotch onto the table. “Bring me my rust wig,” he growled. Ofcrust the Clownmaid obediently started to search through the giant walk-in closet full of well-used clown paraphernalia. As a High Clown of the Clownsortium, Crustbuk had a massive collection of the highest quality wigs, floppy shoes, and vividly colored plastic noses all heaped up along with the other required accouterments of a well-rounded clown in his expansive closet.
The Woman Who Drank Margaritas
She was the woman who drank margaritas. Whether it was mid-morning or early afternoon or that dreary, gray hour sometime just before dinnertime in late September, she could be found with a frosty margarita in hand.
The Punk Pumpkin
The Punk Pumpkin was the angriest pumpkin in the entire patch. He was constantly making efforts to cause mayhem and disruption, ruining the peaceful and otherwise sedate lives of the general run of pumpkins in the patch.
Tales of the Coffee God
And it came to pass that the Coffee God came to a strange foreign land and this land was known to those who dwelt there as the Hazelnut Valley. And in this land the people did walk and sing beneath strange trees, called the tree of the hazelnut. And the nut of this tree they did pick and verily place the nectar from this nut in the mugs of their coffee. And they mixed the nut nectar with the coffee and would quaff this beverage on a regular basis in great quantities and were very satisfied and pleased with themselves thereby, and they did have a great amount of pleased talk about this ‘hazelnut coffee.’
The director sat at the head of the long table wearing a large smile and a dark green shirt that complemented his deep tan. “The casting job was amazing, Percy.” He spoke in a low tone to the screenwriter, seated at his right side and looking unrested in a ragged pullover shirt and three days of beard stubble. “You won’t believe it. Felice found the perfect actor for every part. She went like three extra miles to be mega-diverse, with a capital m-d.”
The Invisible Mummy Goes to Lunch
The Invisible Mummy dragged his bandaged feet across miles of bleak desert before finally sighting a place to assuage his raging hunger: a vulnerable, isolated Del Taco.
The Invisible Mummy
The Invisible Mummy was having another bad day. He’d been causing disturbances at the used car dealership, making mild bits of mayhem by disconnecting computers from wall sockets, smearing windows with bandage grease and pushing Mini Coopers out of their parking spaces. But the inattentive car dealers were too bored, distracted or hungover to notice his disruptions. When, using all of his strength, he managed to push a Mini Cooper to the edge of the lot, shoving it up against the rusty chain that surrounded the place, one pudgy salesman finally took notice.
My New Reality Show
My new reality show, American Sex Laundry, premieres on the Detergent Channel next month and pre-fans checking out the trailer on social media are already asking, "How the hell did you get your own reality show?"