BigPThaGoat
Bio
Currently rebranding!! I don't know exactly what I'm doing but I'm still willing to try because that's the only way to win. Read about my nonsense and grow with me through my stories and experiences! All support is appreciated.
Stories (4/0)
Do I talk too much?
Why is it that people will tell you to express your feeling say what you need to, don't hold anything in !! And then turn right around and tell you when you actually start talking about issues problems and the troubles that you're going through now you're too loud or have too much passion in your voice, calm down before you offend someone. I am not trying to offend anyone, I'm just a passionate speaker. So yes! Sometimes it sounds like I'm yelling at you when I'm really just angry about the situation we are talking about or anxious about a bad decision that I made and I'm really only mad or angry at myself. Don't be oblivious and act like this isn't obvious, I should not have to say things like this. Not after you asked me to open up, be myself and let my true feelings show. I trusted you with the most dangerous parts of myself all to get met with backlash and what seems like you committing to misunderstanding everything I have to say or anything I believe. Now it feels just the old days, my teacher would call my mom and say "she just won't stop talking she has an opinion about everything and wants to express it at all the wrong times meaning during my lesson plan." That was not the first or the last time my mom got that call... So yes I'm all too familiar with being told I talk too much I'm way too vocal and it's never the right time. Then finally one day I just decided to shut up. Now I know that was not very black or powerful of me but I mean it sure did make things easier! I mean really everybody likes you more when you don't have an opinion that's so blunt or strong and you just go with the flow. What you don't realize is when you don't speak up it gives people the option to do whatever they want to you and expect you to deal with it because you're not problematic. A person who sees this will almost certainly try and take advantage due to them knowing or believing that you're afraid of conflict or just don't care enough to stand up for yourself. That's recently become my issue well if we're being honest it's been my issue for a while now. I met this guy (not a new guy) but I met him in a different way recently. I met him as a guy I was interested in we decided to try a 30-day trial. I know it's insane but honestly, it felt good to start something new with someone who you've already grown to love in different ways. It just felt easy in the beginning. When everything started he let me know quickly he wasn't for the games and settling down as gf&bf was completely a possibility and something we could work towards. I was looking forward to this because I love LOVEEE so freaking much !!! and I had been single for a few months and ready to pursue something seriously. Perfect timing right !? Wrong cause he made me feel like a damn fool. Now we are coming back to me talking too much because all my life everybody wanted to shut me up he met me after I had decided to shut up. We had talked about how my walls are up so high and how he doesn't know how I feel about him, he said I had no issue showing that I loved him but my words of affirmation and things he did that he felt I should speak on I didn't say anything I would just let it be. I can remember having conversations like this with my ex at the beginning of our relationship but it was different, I was on the other end "please talk to me, let me know how you're feeling so I can help you. I just wanna be there for you" all those things I said fell on death ears until I was crying snotting cutting holes in socks and putting glass inside of his sneakers. Then he heard me of course but after something like that what else do we really need to talk about. You mentally check out now your only here for physical stimulation and the company that's comfortable the company where nothing needs to be said and you both just pretend like everything is okay. But it's far from okay and it's falling apart. That is exactly what happened my friends... It fell apart. I didn't want this to fall apart I wanted this to work! So I started talking. I told him about how uncomfortable it made me that he would rely on other women instead of himself when I'm not available. When I said this first of all it took me a few days to even deal with the fact that I felt this way, the fact that I felt like I didn't want him to be around anyone that could threaten us was a lot for me to deal with because this is a foreign feeling as of late the last person I felt like this about ripped out my heart so, yeah I'm a little cautious. The point is after expressing this to him he still continued to do it & see her and go out with her (his ex) oh yeah did I forget that little gem? The ex is the other woman he relies on. When things happen like this it makes me feel justified when I don't say certain things because if I never said anything maybe I wouldn't feel so disrespected and disappointed that you knew this would hurt me and you did it anyway, a basic way to help you avoid red flags because when someone knows how you feel and still hurts you do you really need to see or say anything else? Now let's get back to asking if I talk too much, I say of course I do and I don't plan on letting anybody shut me up anytime soon. Just a few words of advice though "It's not always what you say but how you say it" Take a few deep breaths before talking about the situation, write about how it could be improved, always go into conversations with positive energy hoping for a positive outcome, when you hear yourself getting a little loud take a moment stop talking and deep breaths !! Maybe this will help someone or maybe it won't either way this is just a lesson I got from a bad situation that helped me get back to myself a little and find my voice again. The ability to learn is never-ending.
By BigPThaGoat2 years ago in Humans
