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Audrey Elena

  • Audrey Elena
    Published 18 days ago
    Tragic Passion & Toxic Love: Part 4; The One Who Got Away

    Tragic Passion & Toxic Love: Part 4; The One Who Got Away

    I had to sneak him in my house because my stepdad hated him, because he was... abusive to me and jealous of Taylor but my man needed me so I did everything I could. Until I couldn't anymore when I got caught. So we left. I had a place to go but it wasn't a home, Taylor's company was more of a home than living there in all that money could provide. We had the most embarrassing time of our lives that year... It changed us both. What left me dumbfounded though was this, despite being addicts & having nada, nothing to eat or drink, or cigarettes because yeah I've got a great many unhealthy vices... There were so many times when despite having nothing but each other, we would laugh and laugh and laugh, and even have fun sometimes, and at the time, that seemed so important, almost worth it. I never forgot about Noah, before I totaled my car I'd spend A LOT of time there, not as much as I wanted to or should have though. I missed him everyday and I have to live with every choice I've made that's brought me here. I thought the deep love we shared was more important than anything money could buy, I mean I grew up dreaming about true love and wanting nothing more. And maybe I was right... if you didn't have children who meant too much to you to just let go of. So, neither of us ever gave up on obtaining that needed growth. We spent a great deal of time living in all sorts of situations. I had began spiraling so far out of control with trying to be and STAY numb, I'd get so messed up, I'd cheat. Remember, hate myself, and tell him. I was a walking sharknado. Not tornado, SHARKNADO. I never meant to hurt him. I was lost and broken and clearly mentally ill of some sort. But he forgave me over, and fucking over. Even after the one time I didn't need to be drunk and high, because of real feelings, he still stayed, and I don't know why. I was bad. I was a legit villain. We ended up moving to this dude's house in Central FL, after his family moved to Ocala. We thought it was the start of a new beginning but it was obvious it wasn't going to work because the guy was just nuts, this time it wasn't even entirely my fault. There is never a reason to treat someone with no respect, and that's how the dude was treating Taylor. I snapped and made valid points and got kicked out. After that, I had to go back to my mom, and yeah, abuse... and Taylor was dropped off in Ocala after I asked his mom to let him try one more time and when she said yes, we said goodbye. It was the greatest thing for him. For us both really. He really started rebuilding himself. I took a bit longer. One day, everything he tried teaching me, hit me at once. For the first time in my life, I saw myself through everyone else's eyes. It was one of the most painful realizations I've ever experienced, but I thanked God nonetheless. We kept our relationship going long distance, but ended it mutually in late 2017. In the end, I think Taylor saved my life in many ways. Through suicidal thoughts, my love kept me here, through turning into a MONSTROUS person he didn't give up, and even though it took far too long, his words eventually taught me what I needed to learn, and I still think of them and practice it all everyday because he was right. I've had many opportunities to give up on motherhood, but I would never. I realized I could never be happy without my son. Taylor helped me learn to control my reactions, my anger, emotions, etc. and he taught me how to love, and that not all people show it the same way. He has many flaws, he's a total dickhead at times... but I don't think either of us will ever forget any of it, and he's a present, and a truly good father to our son Noah. Both boys talk from time to time, we both have our 2nd's adoptive parents on social media and their numbers. My boys are happy, loved, stable, safe, healthy, and Noah will always have me in his life. It's mostly thanks to him that I never gave up. And now I'm in a place... where I can say I'm A LOT more proud of the woman I'm turning out to be, I have a lot of people to thank for that, mostly the man I did not deserve, and because of that, I'll always stand by, but I guess I was just ready to grow up and take my life into my own hands. We went through HELL, and I've asked God why, a lot... but I'll make another post about that. As for Taylor, he's doing so great, and I'm so proud, and grateful. I'll always have love for him. That doesn't die. As far as romance goes in my future, I'm more focused on and excited about building a career and name for myself. Whatever is meant to be will be. :)
  • Audrey Elena
    Published 18 days ago
    Tragic Passion & Toxic Love: Part 3

    Tragic Passion & Toxic Love: Part 3

    New parents to our son. Happily in love. We think our dream journey of love is about to begin like we're impervious to a failed relationship, Taylor working 6-10 hour shifts. Newborn beauty Uncontrollable fear of failure. Postpartum Depression. Dependency on a person, which can ruin your entire life if you don't put a stop to it's progression, that is if you are even self aware enough to realize you're becoming dangerously dependent on someone that isn't yourself. At the end of the day, no one will fight harder for you, than you, so don't ever fight harder for a person than you do for yourself, because while you may help them along their journey, you could be severely damaging your own while also possibly robbing them of a valuable lesson they may be meant to learn on their path through life. Alongside having the fear of looking stupid, I let my pride break my heart beyond compare and ended up losing the love of my life, which I greatly feared more than anything else in my life, I'm ashamed to admit because I still felt that way even after I became a mother, that is what severe dependency can do to you. I'm merely blessed and lucky, both, to have been one of the few people who managed to wake up to who they really were becoming in time to make a change in themselves, and maybe even make a difference in the world if they choose to. I myself have decided to use my personal experiences and horrendous decisions that ultimately brought me nothing but pain, despair, terror, and hopelessness to my life in order to hopefully save other innocent people from going through something that is entirely avoidable. While what I made it through taught me great things that will only benefit me from here on out, I am only one of so many people who have suffered these things and I'm one of the lucky ones who didn't let their pain, or their fear of hopelessness in their lives, cause them to have no future or life at all, so if I can help them by talking about how valuable fighting for and living their lives in the best ways life would allow really makes a person feel, and they decide to take my word for it, and that word saves ANY number of lives, everything we suffered will have been worth it, and I'd even put Taylor through it all again for the same outcome that gave us both much needed knowledge I definitely never obtained, and surprisingly knowledge even he had needed to get through life. I finally managed to become a person I actually see having a bright and meaningful future. I finally feel like I have a purpose in my life worth more than just showering everyone with all the love I'm able to hold (which turns out is a HEAVY LOT). However that doesn't mean I don't still have terrible fear of failure, because if anything now I have even more than I used to, and the fear I used to have crippled me yet through some, honestly, un-explainable epiphany that I was truly blessed by God to see, unlike what I imagine to be nearly everyone else on the planet who probably never have an out of world experience like I did, and due to that I'm finally for the first time in my twenty-six years of life being brave by going after what I want, despite the immense fear of failing that in my past, ended with me letting it take everything I had cared for and wanted, away. I let the fear keep me from making any effort that way I wouldn't fail at all, but that was worse than failing. I was ignorant to think there was any way around being responsible for my own happiness let alone my baby son's life which I knew too well was so easily able to mess up... Anyways, he and I really believed that the love we had for each other would make it through any and every single horrible thing life could possibly throw at us, and for a long time, we showed life what we were made of. I really thought my dream of finding true love that mattered above all else actually came true, and it did, but not in the way I expected, or hoped for... but in a way that left two people who dove head first into each other and into the unknown lifestyle of adulthood which for our parents, was entirely different, and to us, so fucking much easier, we were blind-sighted by the fact that it looked so simple for them, because even though it's never simple, it was a far deal more so for our elders than it is for us, and we never thought it fair that we were raised how we were, differently but still felt the same way, and essentially tossed to the wolves which was life, and it utterly obliterated us entirely. Never seeing it coming because we couldn't see anything but each other, and at the time, I thought that our ability to have almost nothing but each other yet still manage to laugh and enjoy our company was a real life miracle kind of love, the kind you never let go.
  • Audrey Elena
    Published 18 days ago
    Tragic Passion & Toxic Love: Part 2

    Tragic Passion & Toxic Love: Part 2

    A few years go by, and I had sadly fallen out too many times with Taylor's sisters. Those are all long, and widely misinterpreted stories I've buried away because I love them no matter what, but may one day will elaborate on. So I don't have anyone on social media, until one day Taylor adds me and I was elated. I had really missed him because he wasn't just my crush or boyfriend but he was a wonderful friend to me. The girls added me shortly thereafter. Shannon first and again I was so happy because she and I had once been attached at the hip. Taylor and I started catching up, and it didn't take long for us to be texting everyday all day long. One night, I decided to go and hang out with everyone at their new place. It was a lot of fun and I was so happy to have rekindled my friendships with the family and even Wisly too! I also met Taylor's other friend Galilee for the first time that night. I slept over with his mom's permission, I totally planned to sleep in his room, and I don't need to say what happened after the doors all shut, I mean it's quite obvious. But we were just friends and being young.
  • Audrey Elena
    Published 18 days ago
    Tragic Passion & Toxic Love: Part 1

    Tragic Passion & Toxic Love: Part 1

    We met when I was 13 years old. He was 15. Our families lived in the same trailer park in the middle of the "hood", it could've been worse though. Moving on... He was so cute, and he was even funnier. Any guy who can have me bursting at the sides could have me head over heels if he wanted, I love to laugh, and Taylor was the funniest guy I'd ever met at that point. The first time he saw me, I was bending over doing some gardening in my favorite jean shorts. He told me later on in our journey that he liked my butt and even more my legs so he just HAD to know me. I first saw him when my friends from school who I walked home with introduced me to their family, their brother included, his name was Taylor. Now, keep in mind we were merely children who knew nothing about life, or love, or responsibility, or anything in between any of those things... okay? So, I immediately garnered a crush on Taylor and his sisters/my best friends, Jasmine and Shannon were (at the time) all for it! We all became a group and we were practically inseparable, Taylor, Jasmine, Shannon, Wisly (Taylor's best friend), Wadsen (one of our neighbors & mutual friends), Standly (just the fucking best dude & Wadsen's younger brother), and of course William (Taylor's cousin). We spent so much time together, sometimes all of us, sometimes a few of us in pairs, or triples, etc. I found myself spending more & more time with the guys than my original girl friends. To be fair, I've always gotten along better with guys over girls, so it wasn't completely due to my lust for Taylor. Both of us were so shy and I was so uncertain about my feelings for him that we never took it anywhere until one night in my backyard we were horsing around and flirting with each other where I then stole his wallet and told him I'd only give it back if he kissed me. That's where we first kissed and it was glorious; I won't lie... I was a fast teenage girl so I guided his hands towards my pants and let him explore but only briefly. I enjoyed toying with him like a child but I had enormous feelings for him too. However, as we spent more time together, beating around the bush and not letting anything real become of our feelings, and this all happening alongside our other friend Wadsen, whom also had a crush on me... I became confused like most young teens do about my feelings for Taylor... because I started noticing Wadsen more... long story short, I bounced from the two more than once & ended up hurting them both. However, it was obvious that I really cared about Taylor because I detested causing him even a drop of pain, whereas I didn't much feel guilt over anything that made Wadsen jealous or sad the same way I did for Taylor. Before I realized my feelings for Wadsen weren't real and that my feelings for Taylor were absolutely authentic... I made the mistake of sleeping with Wadsen during one of our many co-ed sleepovers, where Taylor & Wisly were sleeping in the living room and I slept in Wadsen's bed. Taylor's heart broke that night because he knew and that is one night I would without a doubt take back if I could. He eventually told me later on in life that he wouldn't change the way things went down because then what happened next wouldn't have happened and he'd be forever proud of it. You see they were very close friends, but they were also serious rivals as well. Especially when it came to me. So fast forward a few months, during another one of our co-ed nights... (Now I can't say I'm not proud of this because I am... but this will make me look pretty shitty when it comes to morale and the 'girl code'). All four of us, Wadsen, Wisly, Taylor, and I slept in the same room. Wisly in the second bed, Wadsen and I in his bed solely because I refused to sleep on the floor, even though Taylor was and I wanted nothing more than to be right next to him and I mean I yearned painfully for this guy. Taylor had this horrendous girlfriend at the time, Alyssa. Yet, he and I both wanted each other. So, after sharing a series of texts about our mutual desires and keeping things remotely platonic, I go lay next to him on the floor and as I stated, we initially intended to just keep things PG-13, maybe just a little kissing, no big deal. Well... that was a total failure. It didn't take long for us to start having sex, and for me to take his virginity (see 26 Facts For Fun). We continued our affair as he continued dating the girl he said he didn't even want to stay with, but did solely because she did all of his school work, even though he is literally so smart he would have done it better, but was just too lazy to do it himself. Not to mention, she also bought him his first cell phone and paid the bill on it so he refused to break up with her because I at that time also knew what a cell was worth enduring to maintain since my parents also refused to get me one until I threatened to put a certain villain on blast, for the 3rd time mind you... save that info for a later post, although he often told me it was due to fear of causing pain as well. Anyways, he eventually told her about our affair due to more intimate reasons and she forgave him, so already long story short, she ended up giving him a second chance despite him losing his virginity to another girl, but at the cost of ending our "situationship". That broke my heart because I wanted him to just break up with the girl he told me too often and with real emotion that he didn't even remotely like, and be with the girl who was falling madly in love at a rapid rate, a girl he claimed he felt the same for. But he stayed with her. So that was the end of 'Taylor and Audrey'. A few months pass by, and I maintain my friendships with his sisters, and my brother was best friends with his youngest sister too. Our families were practically one. At least that's how my family and I saw it. His family decided to move out of the city we lived in, to a city only 15 minutes North of where we met. He came by my house to say goodbye but I was sleeping at my new boyfriend Andrew's house. So I never got to say goodbye to the guy I fell SO deeply for. I mean I believe we both felt that endless bond, that connection we had together, I know he did, I know I did. Because when I continue this very long story in Part Two, you'll come to understand why I say that "connection", that "bond", was an inevitable, endless one.