Just your average 30 year old mother fighting depression, anxiety, and other invisible illnesses.
20 Per Day
The other day I asked in a Veteran's group on Facebook, "Why do you think so many vets suffer from depression? Even those that did not deploy?" and the response I got was overwhelming.After reading every single comment that was made, I really learned a lot from my fellow Veterans and let me tell you, just a glimpse into their life made me feel like I am not alone. But it also made me feel extremely sad that there are so many of us out there who suffer from this sadness.One person said, "Because you go from being surrounded by and with your best friends 24/7/365 enduring some of the toughest shit imaginable to being thrown out alone into this bullshit world. You miss it. Humans are tribal by nature and when we are in platoon sized groups we are in our element. When you get torn away from that, you suffer."Another commented, "Because you were once a part of a team who valued each other more than themselves, an altruistic group. The depression comes when you realize that you may not ever experience that again."These are both incredibly true. Although I have some amazing friends that I love and hold dear to me, no friendship will ever be like one you had when you were in the military. It is a truly, and completely different lifestyle. A different mentality. And different family. Yeah we might not get along with each other, but we all went through the same shit. It is similar to a blood bond I guess. There are no words to describe the bond you have with people when you are in the military to someone who is not.Some other comments that really spoke to me were, "In my experience working with my fellow vets, I have found that a majority become depressed when they lose that sense of purpose or belonging that they had while serving in the military. We go from being a part of something, having a sense of importance, to being a nobody in the civilian world. Often with no idea of where to go or what to do with ourselves. So we drink, we self medicate, we isolate, and we ultimately tear our selves apart from the inside out.""We leave a life of structure, purpose, and brotherhood and find ourselves in a civilian world filled with chaos, deadend jobs and apathetic people.
Find Your Battle Buddy
Before I begin let me start off by saying depression sucks! Anxiety sucks! "Invisible illnesses" SUCK!Ok I think you get my point now. So what the hell am I doing here? Simple. I want to help others who battle the ups and downs of daily life. Their struggles are not going to single them out. Everyone struggles. Even if you haven't officially been diagnosed with something. Struggle is everywhere; some are just better at hiding it than others.The past month and a half or so I was switched medications (again) for my anxiety, depression, and fibromyalgia. At first let me tell you, THEY SUCKED! I felt like a zombie. Almost drooling on myself and not talking to anyone. Zoning out. Just BLAH. The overall feeling of being numb from head to toe. But after about 3 weeks of taking my medications like I should, I began to feel so much better. I tell you this because I have been that person who hated meds and would not take them religiously. Thought they didn't work. Well the truth is that I didn't let them work. This time I have one of those medicine container things with the days and times. I refill it every Saturday night for the whole week. Sorry, off on a tangent. But I began to feel BETTER. Now, as someone who has struggled on and off with depression for 17 years, feeling "better" is not 100% - even 10% better is better than 2% and that's where I am at now. I am about 10% better than I was a month and a half ago.A month and a half ago I hated life. I wore a smile for my children and coworkers and boyfriend just to make sure they didn't feel the same way as me. And of course to mask my true feelings. I don't cry often but damn when I do, it pours out. There are times I would be driving home from grocery shopping and out of nowhere I'm bawling my eyes out. Just crying hysterically. Wondering what the hell I'm doing here...Hell I even took a picture and posted it on my Facebook.