What I’m Thankful For
What am I thankful for? It isn’t a difficult answer, but it is a loaded question. There are so many answers that can come from a question like this. I didn’t have a lot to be thankful for growing up. I didn’t have anything to be grateful for until I was about 15. I had a tough upbringing with little to care for or care for me. Nobody in my world worried about me. They didn’t even act as I existed. So to me when you’re never thankful for anything, and suddenly have something to be thankful for, it means a whole lot more. I was mentally, physically, and sexually abused since I was 6. Never by the same guy and all of them were people that either knew my mom or my family. I couldn’t accept it for the longest time. I would refuse to think about it and would pretend it never happened, only to have to go through it time after time. I thought when I got my first boyfriend that things would’ve changed, but they didn’t. They stayed the same way until I was about 14. I personally became numb to it. Everyone that my mom brought into the house ended up being the same way. They would drink or do drugs beforehand and then be with my mom after. I never understood it. She knew what they did to me, but she didn’t care. She didn’t even acknowledge the truth when I told her myself what was happening. It took me until I got pregnant by my boyfriend at 15 to realize that I do have something to be thankful for. I’m thankful for my daughter and all the times we’ve had, as well as the time yet to come. I’m thankful that she’s here in order to be my beacon of light when I enter my dark days again. I’m thankful for the woman and her husband and two sons for showing me what a family can really be like. If it wasn’t for them I would be in the streets trying to raise a daughter on my own with nowhere to live and no food to eat. I’m thankful that the Lord looked upon me and saw something worth saving and showing grace and humility. I’m thankful that this family took my daughter in as if she was their own granddaughter. I’m thankful for the doting grandmother and grandfather that I got when I was brought into this family. I’m thankful that we have somewhere to call home. Somewhere my daughter and I can be safe while I venture out of my comfort zone and into a profession that I love. I’m thankful that my daughter will never want for anything now that we’re safe and happy. I’m thankful for the family I have now and the family it will grow into.
I remember to this day the heated look in his eyes as he bent me over the counter and plowed into me from behind. The feel of his bruising grip and thunderous pounding of his hips. The delicious heady smell of sex and his cologne still cause a head rush with just the thought of it. That night was the best night in the world. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I can remember it like it was yesterday. His hot breath on the back of my neck, the feel of his rough calloused hands on my hips as he grips my waist. The sweetness of the surrender I give into as it becomes almost too much pressure inside of me.