Well Intended Gifts

Years ago. my husband bought me a set of golf clubs for my birthday. I had no idea I wanted to learn how to golf, but there I was looking at a glimmering new set for my birthday. What does one say when say when you receive a gift that is far from the "that fits me perfectly" gift. He smiled and said, "Now we can play golf and spend more time with each other." I was disappointed with his well intended gift.

I really did try hard to acclimate to the sport. I spent days at the driving range and weeks with an instructor. No matter how many lessons I completed, I couldn't get that darn ball to fly further than 100 yards. I tried all summer to "Like" the sport, but I just couldn't get the knack of it. I tried to find some enjoyment out of the dang gift but I couldn't find any pleasure in the sport. The only thing I liked about it was our time together. That part I did like so I guess he achieved his goal.

Now, the picture for this article shows yarn and not golf clubs. My next topic has to do with yarn and my lady friends who love to craft. Becky, the painter and crochet genius and Chris the knitting fiend and sewing queen decided we needed to have a crafting group. Folks, I am the one lady who just cringes at crafting. If I need to make something practical, I can patch something together easy enough but those two dance circles around their projects as I choose to sit in the corner talking and drooling like a crafting idiot. I have no creative interest in crafting and I am one who gladly pays people who make them. A crafting group, I wanted a chatting group over a hot cup of coffee. Yet, Becky and Chris did not agree. They want a crafting group.

About two months ago, Chris decided that we would crochet hearts for valentines day. She threw a crocheting needle at me with some red yarn. I can make a mean granny square so I wasn't intimidated until she thrust some paper at me and said, "Here's the instructions!"

The first thing on the sheet said, "Start with a magic ring". With a "deer in the headlight look" I had no clue what that was! Her eyes rolled as she pulled up YouTube Videos on how to make a magic ring. I struggled and cussed the whole time as I diligently worked on the first step of the whole project. It took me near an hour to complete the first step and the first row under her tutelage. Now, she always smiled so sweetly every time I swore like a sailor. She could plainly see that I was not enjoying this craft. Yet I struggled to make it through the day and I never finished it. To be honest, I saw nothing "MAGIC" about this project.

To be honest, I thought this was the end of the crochet nightmare. I thought I escaped their attempt to bring crocheting into the crafting circle but I was wrong. Please bare with me as I share this story with you. I was a victim of an ambush, coupled with a priceless gift, and a smack down and a hog tie adventure. It is obvious my nightmare has not ended with a crochet heart.

DARN TECHNOLOGY

In secret, my two friends were scheming behind my back. I can just imagine the text they shared amongst them. Chris has always sent me crafting ideas and I would be nice and just click the "Like" button. Becky on the other hand jumped right on board with Chris' shenanigans. Apparently, Chris would buy cute little crochet creatures and send them to Becky. They conjured up a great plan via text for I will show you their results of their conjuring and scheming.

Crafting day is Thursday mornings. Seeing that I am not allowed to drive on my medications, Becky picks me up. I was surprised that she arrived at my home early. I instructed her to come on in and keep me company as I finish my morning task. She plopped down in my computer chair and kicked back and unzipped her coat. I glanced over my computer screen to see a ruffled Becky. She smiled and said, "I was up late printing out some patterns for Chris. She wanted a few patterns printed out for us."

Even though I smelled Bulls**t, I just nodded and completed my task at hand. Quickly I dressed, brushed my teeth, threw my winter coat and boots on and rushed out the door with Becky dragging booty behind me. Into the car we piled and zoomed off down the road towards Chris' house. Upon arrival, bags and bags filled with who knows what was hefted into the house. I watched Becky place them on the floor as she winked at Chris. I pursed my lips for I knew there was mischief in progress.

Through coffee slurps and chatting, we caught up with each other. There was no movement towards the bags so I listened closely to their gleeful chatter. We pet the dogs and ate some peanut chia balls and just had "girl time". Then the hammer fell.

"Becky, did you get those patterns printed?", asked Chris.

"I sure did!" Becky said as she sat up in the chair and pulled the first bag to her.

My eyes watched her closely for I watched the dragging booty Becky spring back to bubbly life. She was talking to Chris about how she stayed up until 4AM just printing out the patterns. My brow began the crunch together in concern for my best bud's well-being. She too is ill and should be resting and NOT staying up printing out patterns. My eyes widen as she pulled out book after book out of her bag like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat! I shook my head and looked at my phone to check my email. I was soon brought back to reality when I saw her feet come into my view.

I was startled and looked up to find Becky smiling down at me with a handful of books for me. This stack of books and papers is almost 3 inches tall. With wide eyes, I took the books from her and placed them in my lap. Cluelessness turned into a night mare as I opened the first green folder. On the very top was a crochet bat staring back at me. I smiled up to her and said, "I Love Bats! This is so cute!" She smiled back to Chris and nodded that she knew how to hook me.

Now folks, this is a total set up. Each page she printed off was nicely placed into a sheet protector with color coded edges. Then I began to count the colors included into the collection. I am sure my mouth hung open as I counted the patterns they connived to bestow upon me. Chris admitted she bought the patterns and Becky printed them off so we can complete an octopus, possum, chicken, rabbit, turtle and a few others. Nine nightmare crafts were handed to me from the one friend I can't say no to. They had it planned flawlessly to reduce the the changes of me refusing. My besties, setting me up for failure.

Next, the conversation took a surprising turn:

"Becky, will you drive?" said Chris.

"Drive? Where are we driving to?" I asked.

"To the craft store to buy yarn!" Chimed in Chris.

"Yarn is 30% off!", chimed in Becky.

Now folks, I am on a budget while I am recovering, so I felt that this was going to be a wasted trip for me. I just rode along and watched as they picked out yarn for the first project which will be a dragon. They soon turned to me and instructed me to choose my colors. Darn it. I didn't escape the nightmare. They had agreed to gift me the supplies because they knew I wouldn't buy them. I have more important things to buy then some yarn to twist in knots.

So, there I was. Getting a gift that I really didn't want and really isn't me. My two best friends were smiling as I was dying inside. What was worse, is the fricken needle is ALOT smaller than the one I usually use. I can't see the stiches with the big needle and I am certain my eyes will cross with the new needle. How is anyone suppose to see a microdot knot? I certain will not be able to without a magnified glass. So there I was, saying thank you for a gift that I was dreading.

Like a good friend I will give this a good shot. I really do not want to but I will. Perhaps, I will be able to produce something that will look like a dragon or a bat. [shaking my head] I am so sorry to say that this gift was well intended so we can learn together. This gift was not a good gift for me. I will try and let them laugh at my results, but I promised the creator that I will try because their gift was well intended.