The Civil Break Up

We all have had a break up or two at some point in our lives, but has it been civilized? Have you really gone out of your way to consider the other persons feelings if you were the one breaking up with that person? Have you wished that your feelings had been taken into consideration just a little more when you were broken up with?

It's no doubt that there have been some really harsh break ups that have been quite hurtful, impersonal, and down right nasty and mean. So I have a few tips to breaking up with someone and avoiding the bad route of doing so.

The first thing to do want to be aware of is how long you have been acquainted with this person. Is this the first date? Have you two been dating for a while? Are you two in a relationship and how long have you two been together? It is quite important to take into consideration the duration of your acquaintance because it has a lot to do with how you should handle the break up. Regardless of it being any of the three circumstances, there is a responsibility to the other persons feelings that you intend to break up with.

Let's start with question one: "Is or was this the first date?" Have you and the other person gone out before? Most times we all can tell if it's something about the other individual that will bring about a second date, and most times we can tell if there is not that "Je ne sais quoi". No matter what we should always be civilized. If you find that there is not an interest for yourself to endeavor another date, approach the individual straight forward and state your feelings.

For example, " I have to be upfront and honest with you, and I have no intent to hurt your feelings; however, I don't think you and I are a good fit." Most times the other person will respond with and "okay" or "I understand", but there are some instances where the other person will ask "Why?". Simply stay calm and reiterate that you don't think you two are a good fit, and move to a friendly, yet cordial way of ending the call.

For example, " You take care, and I will see you around", or "hope you have a good week/weekend, and I will see you around." Always avoid the reason for two reasons;

Reason #1: Stating the reasons engages unnecessary conversation and complicates the original goal.

Reason #2: There has really not been enough time to gather a reason outside of the fact you two are not a good match.

Now we will explore the next question: "Have you two been dating for a while?" Has there been multiple dates or and actual dating relationship? Usually the relationship with the other individual ranges between the first date or the significant other status (boyfriend or girlfriend).

After a few date a relationship has formed, most time at the beginning stages, and usually at this point if you decides to break up with them you should be nice, considerate, and offer and explanation, yet still being direct and upfront. Ideally you want to tell the person that you are no longer interested and wanna call it quits, and it should be done in person, but it's only okay if you can't bear a face-to-face with the person you are breaking up with.

Of course if you two have been dating a month or longer, there is no doubt that you owe the respect to that person to break up in person. It is apparent things were a little more serious, and the person is more than likely going to want to know why, and it's your responsibility to tell them the reasons. Remember you want to be respectful and considerate of the other persons feelings when you want to break up.

Some issues will arise, of course, being honest and how honest you should be. No matter what you decide to say, you should always be honest. Keeping in mind that there is a th,in line between honest and being to honest that it hurts the other persons feelings.

Whatever your reason for deciding to end it with someone, always ask your self is the reason understandable to most people? If they are understandable to most then kindly share those reasons. Where as on the oth,er hand if they are more of particular reasons, ones that may cause the other individual to feel uncomfortable, then keep it general.

By general I mean to talk about you two not being a good fit, perhaps you are not ready to commit or would rather focus on family, school, or work. Whatever the reason try to protect the other persons feeling from being hurt. I am sure if it were you , you would want someone to take your feelings into consideration, and not hurt them either.

It never hurts to sit d,own with a friend and talk it over. Usually a friend might give you more insight, and possibilities by playing the role of the other person. If the person may get angry and hostile or certain questions they may continuously ask; one of the common question being "did I do something wrong?"

Whatever their reaction there is always a respectful, considerate, and adult way to deliver a break up. My mantra in life is; " As adults we are responsible for the way we display ourselves to others." The amount of integrity you choose is totally up to you, and the response you get is too at a certain degree.

Just be an adult and responsibly cipher through the world to find your perfect love life.